Love & Other Curses, 1985 | bxb | ONC 2024

CHAPTER 8 - One Smile On Your Lips

If I see but one smile on your lips when we meet, occasioned by this or any other exertion of mine, I shall need no other happiness.

~ Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.

"Adam, how was your first practice?" the Chief asked with heightened interest after the prayer on the food.

"Fine."

"Did you like it?"

"Sure." Adam moved the peas on his plate with a fork without interest because Thomas wouldn't look at him.

The Chief raised his eyebrows at the moody boy. "Where does Coach D have you playing?"

"Defensive end." Adam scratched the side of his head and cleared his throat. "Um, I'm sorry, I don't feel great. May I be excused?"

"Of course," Mrs. Harding replied. "I'll save your plate for later if you get hungry."

Adam stood and gave Thomas one more look before leaving the dining room. The sulky boy didn't raise his head until he was gone.

"Thomas, did something happen at practice today?" his father asked.

"No." He squirmed in his seat, his cheeks turning bright red. "I mean, Wally got hurt, but it's football." He chewed on a piece of pork he didn't want to eat, knowing he couldn't pull the same stunt as Adam. "He's probably done for the season."

"Well, I had a fantastic first day back at school," Lilly said. "Thanks for asking, Dad."

He chuckled. "Sorry, Lill. So, what was the best part?"

"Honestly?" She smiled brightly, showing her dimples. "Catching up with Thomas after school."

The startled boy coughed down his pork.

"How sweet," Mrs. Harding replied. "I love when you two get along."

"Oh, sure," he lied, kicking his sister under the table. "Just great."

The Chief didn't ask more football questions and focused on his daughter. He loved to watch her play soccer and basketball, but sometimes, he couldn't help himself when it came to the sport he enjoyed most. He had been waiting all day for an update and loved where Coach D slotted Adam, a perfect fit for his size and violent nature. With Adam on the line and Thomas' speed in the backfield, the defensive unit suddenly looked much stronger, at least on paper. Maybe they had a chance at winning state this year. The thought made him smile as he listened to his daughter talk about her day.

None of which was true.

Adam declined the invitation to go with Thomas and Lilly to "Mutual," a weekly church youth activity. Dinner and chores had been hard enough. Thomas still refused to look him in the eyes. To make matters worse, he couldn't stop picturing the boy naked. Adam needed distance from the green-eyed boy and the unrelenting urge to rip off his clothes. That probably wasn't the activity the Harding's had in mind. But none of that mattered anymore because Thomas required nothing of him.

The forlorn boy disappeared into the shadows of the woods alone and pulled out a cigarette instead of the blade he wanted to use. The Monster wailed inside him, an inexhaustible anguish that refused to be sated. Trembling hands lifted the lighter to the smoke between his lips. The soothing drug did little to change his mind. Adam walked through the forest like the living dead, with deathly languor and coldness for company. How did Mary Shelley know his soul with such intimacy? If he still had a soul. The ruinous end to his miserable story seemed inevitable.

Adam planned to walk forever without returning to spare Thomas and the Harding family more heartache. He had already studied maps at the library and planned a route. Forests shrouded New England and provided endless seclusion, but he couldn't get past the lonely hill in the woods. A stream of summer light flickered through the leaves and shone down onto their secret place. Adam felt like an intruder. He belonged in the shadows, apart from the world, but he couldn't resist entering the sacred space he had shared with Thomas. He lay on the hill in a bed of wildflowers, closing his eyes in the sun's warmth and letting the light in. That damn four-letter word seeped back into his heart: hope.