Days of Concealment

Chapter 3-Worry

Chapter TWs:
Alcoholism mention and demonstration

...

Fin was roused from sleep by a loud knock on their bedroom door, causing a jolt of disorientation.
They felt like covering their ears but that would not accomplish anything..

The noise pierced through the haze of their mind, making it difficult for them to fully grasp their surroundings.

Then reality crashed in as it always does.

Quickly and in a panic, Fin sat up in bed, the events of the earlier that day a blur in their memory.

What did they do? How did they end up in bed?
It was morbidly funny.
How they didn't remember.
They felt a lump in their upper chest.

As Fin attempted to rouse themselves further, the realization hit that they were already in a sitting position.
They looked a fool.
Probably looked a mess.

Just then, Kai entered the room, his usual polished appearance replaced by a more casual demeanor that he put on after work. Selling window cleaner. His outfit looked oddly like an officers uniform.
Is that to grab attention?
It grabbed Fins blurred attention.

Kai and Fin looked a lot a like.
Same eyes, same features, Kai was just more muscular and had longer hair. Said hair looked to be up.
Fin couldn't tell what exact hairstyle Kai wore.

With a mix of concern and exasperation, Kai remarked, "Fin, you promised you wouldn't drink today..."

Fin, still feeling the effects of the previous night, simply shrugged in response. "I felt sick," they mumbled, trying to offer an explanation for their unexpected state.

Kai let out a disbelieving sigh, leaning against the doorframe. "Of course," he muttered under his breath, his expression a mix of understanding and frustration at Fin's self-inflicted ailment.

"I just felt off" Fin reiterated as if that was needed.

Kai shook his head in a mixture of disappointment and care.
"I'll get you some water," he offered before turning away and making his way to the kitchen.

As Kai disappeared into the kitchen to fetch some water for Fin, Fins room fell into a heavy silence.

Fin couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for causing worry ..yet again.

They glanced around the disarray of their bedroom, eleven cans scattered across the floor.
Fin looked at their remaining can and sniffed the alcoholic beverage.

The sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting long shadows across the room and illuminating the cans...
It was blinding.

With a heavy sigh, Fin swung their legs off the edge of the bed and attempted to stand up.
The room spun briefly, causing them to grab onto the nightstand for support, almost missing in the process.

Fin almost face planted.
That was embarrassing.
Like everything else.

This has happened before. This cycle seemed to be one they couldn't break, a cycle of highs and very crashing lows that left them feeling lost and disconnected from reality.

.. They often felt disconnected from reality in spite of their consumption.
So the alcohol doesn't matter ..unless they wanted to remember that disconnection.
Who would want that?
Definitely not them.

Kai returned with a glass of water, a rather frustrated look etched on his face.
He had no right to be mad.

He handed the glass to Fin, who accepted it with a weak smile.
The cool water was a very welcome relief, soothing their parched throat and foggy mind.. well, the mind clearing wasn't their preferred side effect.

They took a few sips, trying to adjust to their surroundings in a meaningful manner. Nothing new.

Kais hair was up in a braided bun, it coiled around the back of his head. His hair was completely unaffected by humidity.

Fin should take notes. Maybe that is what can distract them.

Though, one thing was overwhelming, Kais expression.
A mix of worry and other emotions laced Kais features, the scar along his nose was practically invisible.
Oh, how they envy.
Oh, what a horrible person they are.

"I'm sorry, Kai," Fin finally spoke, breaking the silence that hung heavy in the room.
They were apologizing for their feelings, not their alcohol problem. Kai wouldn't know the difference.
That was not Kais issue. Though, Kai was obviously worried.
"I didn't mean to worry you. .... again"

Kai took a seat on the edge of the bed, his expression softening. "Fin. You have to stop this," Kai sounded harsh .. more so like usual.

Fin nodded, feeling a lump form in their throat.
The weight of their choices and the consequences of their actions seemed to press down on them, making it hard to breathe.

They knew they needed to make a change, to break free from this cycle of self-destructive behavior. But they felt so grounded. This was so familiar.

Kai placed a comforting hand on Fin's shoulder, offering silent support.

This was ironic. Kai is a drinker. Why did he have to worry about Fin?
There was no point. Kai was just being a hypocrite.. but the idea was sweet.
Fin shouldn't be mad about it.

Fin finally spoke;
"I appreciate your concern, Kai. I really do,"
Fin began, their voice was filled with upset emotion. "But you know as well as I do how hard things have been lately. This... helps me cope. It's not like I'm the only one drowning in a glass here."

Kai's expression stiffened, Fin wasn't usually so defensive.
"I know, Fin. And I'm not trying to preach or act like I have it all together. I just want you to feel better."

Fin's grip on the can tightened, their thoughts muddled between the comfort of familiarity and the fear of letting go.
They had forgotten they were holding the aluminum can. The last one of twelve. Should they lie? They didn't want to upset Kai.
They were not ready.

Fin recoiled.. "Kai.. I would like to be alone"
They were not ready.

Kai nodded, still upset.
"Try to call AAA.."
Then Kai stood up. He walked out of the room, a slight rough edge to his walk that wasn't present before.
Kai was going to the convention.
He wasn't a talker but people would worry about them.
What would Kai say.

Fin remembered when they told Kai to call AAA.

Kai definitely wouldn't take his own advice, he never took their advice.

Why should Fin?

Fin felt stubborn. Defiant.

Fin set down the water and took a nice, long swig of beer.
It was warm.

Gross.