Many Letters

Chapter Three.

Chapter Three.

The days somehow became darker, nights faded collapsing in a puddle of tears and a verge of suicide. All that was left of Lillian was the shell she once called herself. She stared in the mirror not knowing who was staring back, her once beautiful long Brown hair was now tangled in a untidy mess, her green eyes pierced but are always red from crying and her face swollen from the tears. She had gotten so used to the feeling of crying she didn't really know when she was actually doing it. Her blade sat on the sink, like an old friend. Waiting... wanting to be touched. Lillian was hollow, she wanted to feel. She fell to the floor and ran her fingers across the scars that already laid pond her wrist, she was clean for a year.

"Please god, please" Lillian begged and pleaded while a stream of tears rolled down her pale face. She pulled at her hair and slapped herself, she became frantic and grabbed the blade. Once it was in her hand she calmed down, like it comforted her. She placed it on her wrist but did not cut only stared.

"I'm sorry Alex" as Lillian apologized to her brother she slowly pressed down the blade and watched as the blood seeped out. It gave her plussure but it did not satisfy her need to feel, there was a sharp pain but Lillian wanted it to be sharper. She dropped her old friend instantly ashamed of what she had just done. She cried in her knees every so often looking up. She reminisced the day she could talk to her brother again and tell him everything. Tell him how her heart hurts more than her bleeding wrist and how she wanted to feel the relief of letting go.

Lillian spent the night in her room dazing away as usual. She did the same routine she did every morning when she had school, combed her thick hair into a messy bun, applied her make up and was out, but that morning she noticed a letter on the kitchen bench. She picked it up and examined it.

"Mum!" Lillian walked towards the hallway shouting down it "Who is this letter for?"

Her mother dosnt bother opening the door, all she did was sleep and work since her sons passing "well read it" she shouted through the door to lazy to get out of bed.
Lillian examined it again.

'Lillian'

She gasped, the writing was exactly the same as her brothers, she shook her head and excepted that she was going crazy.

"Can I go to sleep now?!" Lillans mother called from her room. Lillian ignored her and sat in the couch and ripped the letter open.

'Dear Lillian.
Imperfection is a beauty;
Madness is genius;
And its better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be boring.

Love Alex'

Lillian went to her room and found an old shoe box where she placed the letter. She thought for a second staring at the shoe box, she shook her head at the silly thought that popped into her head, he can't be alive I saw his body. She got rid of the thought as quickly as it had come.

That night Lillian laid in bed 're reading the letter in her head. She smiled at a thought.

December 6th 2006, 5 years before today.

"Alex what are you doing?" A young Lillian stood at the door in a nighty holding a teddy in one hand and rubbing her face with the other. Alex turned away from his desk and flashed his big smile.

"Lillian it's two in the morning, what are you doing?" He sat up and picked up Lillian and placed her in his lap.

"I heard you and wanted to see what you were doing" Lillian pouted hoping not to be in such big trouble "I just wanted to see".

Alex laughed and turned his chair so that they both could look at what he was creating on his desk. There laid a note with neat writing that Lillian had difficulty reading. She looked up at him "what does it say?"

He smiled again, his handsome features shadowed by the one lamp sitting on his desk. "Well I'm writing a letter to a girl" Lillian's mouth dropped and she giggled.

"What girl? What are you saying to her?"

He breathed in "I'm telling her she's loved and that I go into school everyday and she brightens the dull, I wake just to see her smile" He smiled and shook his head thinking he may of said to much to his eight year old sister.

"You love her?" Lillian poked her tounge out in disgust "That's gross, your only sixteen mumma says you don't know what you want" Lillian sat up straight proud to be the one inforcing rules for once.

"I know what its like to love, and I also know what I want. What we desire isn't from age but from logic" He smiled and continued to talk "texting a girl to tell her your feelings dosnt mean anything, putting your feelings on paper where they are turned into something beautiful. Your feelings on one piece of paper for one amazing person.... now that's love" Lillian looked at her brother in ore wanting to hear more on his definition of love and prosperity. Little did they know the next day would be the day that changed their lives.

**************

Lillian dosnt remember falling asleep she woke to the sun beaming through her windows the time was 8:46am.

"Shit!" Lillian shot up and raced to get ready for school, she can't be late, she knows the teachers will tell her it's fine and not to worry it's been that way since Alex died. But she didn't want the opportunity to have a full conversation with one of the office ladies. Once Lillian got dressed in her plain skinny jeans and one of Alex's flannies she put her hair in a messy bun and applied some lip gloss to her pink lips. She rushed out not bothering to say bye to her mother as she knew she would be asleep from working late that night. She got her keys from the table near the front door and ran out.