If only I allowed to love you

The painful departure

"Get lost!!!!"
These were the last words  Wei Zhiyuan had heard from wei qian before leaving the house that night.
It was the middle of the December . The cold breeze swaying past his face gave a burning sensation as his tears continued to falling  down all the way to his cheeks .

No matter what you say , either it was his foolishness or the high level of testosterone running in his blood , he couldn't manage to control the overwhelming emotions that he suppressed over the years and ended up hurting both of the parties .

"He confessed to his own brother about his true feelings ."

To the world it may be the most vulgar behaviour of a person towards his own brother but for Xiao yuan it was the most right thing in the world until he faced the cruel reality .

Yes ! Wei qian can only be his big brother nothing else . His brother couldn't give him the kind of love he had been yearning for and the slap from wei qian that night made  it clear .

The world seemed to stop for Wei Zhiyuan that night. He was suffering inside out . The inevitable pain he felt after leaving the house that night was nothing to compare with he suffered during his childhood in the slums.

He was in the pain over the years that he couldn't tell wei qian that he liked him , and now when he finally told him not only he himself but wei qian ended up being in even more pain .

What the hell he did , he thought . At least he can be around Wei Qian before , can be able to eat with him ,talk to him ,take care of him but now things will never be the same .

But no matter in which ways he thought , he had never found it wrong . He had never regretted loving Wei Qian, not a single second of his life.

It was something  inevitable. No matter how patient a person is there would be a day the bridge of patience finally breaks and that night Wei Zhiyuan thought he might go crazy if he suppressed his feelings any more.

In his child days when the condition was way worse than his current one ,when he barely got a single grain of rice to fill his stomach and sold to different places ,got beaten up and fought with street dogs to survive , he had never once thought of dying .
Not even a single time the idea of ending his life crosses his mind . But today ....

Today for the first time in his whole life he didn't want to live  anymore . He felt that the pain over the years become so unbearable that he desperately wanted  to took his own life .

He knew clearly even if he went back to home , things would never be the same , not only for him but for Wei Qian as well. He couldn't able to face his Ge ever again . What would he tell to Xiaobao ?
It's like a dead end for him.

But his only motivation to live was Wei Qian . Taking in account of today's series of incidents it was clear for him that Wei Qian would probably never forgive him .

He thought what's meaning of life when the person for whom he was living wouldn't be  around him anymore .

It was already midnight . The mid December cold breeze making his already cold heart even more colder. He has stood on the bridge and under the water was quiet and clear . The reflection of moon in the water was beautiful . The city lights far away were flickering continuously. The noises of honking of vehicles were slowly fading away as the night deepened.

He looked at the sky for the one last time , inhaled a deep breath sharply and after a few seconds later with a loud splash the usual quiet water became turbulent causing wave patterns in clear and calm river.

As he fell in the water suddenly he felt so light as if  the heavy burden of all  the worries he was carrying all these years were suddenly dissolved in river water as he jumped in .

It was an uncanny feeling , so relieving yet so suffocating . Freeing him from all his frustrating feelings .He had never thought that death can be this beautiful and peaceful.

But no matter how beautiful a death can be it is never desirable.

Yet.......... As he was drowning a single desire born in his heart . What if a hand suddenly appears out of nowhere and pull him upwards . Hugs him tightly and whisper in his ear slowly

" Xiao yuan , let's go home."

"Our home ."

But even in the last moment of life he hadn't felt that warmth of hug of that person .

As he had been drowning to death a faint smile appear on his face as he thought about all the good memories he had made with his only family the god has bestowed him for the second time.  He scoffed lightly as he thought

"Xiao yuan ! What a fool you are .....how come you ended up like this"

The instant feeling of regret surged within him when he realised that he would never able to see  that person ever again.
How painful was this moment when he realised he would never able to be the person who once promised his brother to protect him and share his burdens.

"Ge, I'm sorry."

"I.....I truly am."

"Only if I would be half as strong as you ."

"Maybe in the next life, if god....gives me a chance to be with you........................."

As the time passed his thoughts started to become blurry and he started to lose consciousness.
After a few moments later the turbulence in the water as well as in Wei  Zhiyuan's heart finally came to an end.

The water had  became as quiet as before . The night was still cold . The city lights were still flickering continuously and the moon was still beautiful . The world seemed to be lively as before.
Everything was still same except there would be no any Wei Zhiyuan who would risk everything just to be with his brother.

A gentle current of air has passed by making a rustling sound of fallen leaves in the yard outside . Among the withering leaves a young green leaf had also fallen down by the cold air.

Wei Qian who had been looking outside the window continuously for hours sighed silently and closed the window before heading out in frustration.

A/N : I really liked the Unknown series. After along time I have seen such a great series and decided to write something. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Feel free to tell me in the comments if you liked or any corrections since English is not my first language. ❤️❤️