CLASSROOM OF THE ELITE: OnE ShOTs

Regret- Part 1 (unfinished)

I have a lot of my regrets in my life, I have a feeling those regrets will continue to pile up as my life continues... however, after nine months in this school I can safely say that I haven't had another regret.

I remember the first day I came here, I was just a shell... nothing inside ready to be moulded but after spending these months here and meeting new people I began to change. Even the tiniest bit of change showed... even the tiniest bit of change would help me out in the long run.

It was now January, classes had started last week. However there is definitely something different about the school. I was walking towards the cafeteria when I heard footsteps rush towards me from behind and I slowed down.

"Wait, Ayanokouji kun!" It was Chi... Matsushita.

I stopped and turned around to face her. She stopped a foot away from and looked up at me. "Hey, do you need anything?" I asked and she looked away to avoid eye contact.

"Ah, um... it's just it's been a while since we talked and I saw you headed this way.... um... wanna grab some lunch together?" She responded, her words growing quieter towards the end.

I sighed lightly and turned away. "No, if that's it I'm going to get my lunch." I began walking, she followed behind me but didn't speak but I can tell what has been going on in her mind.

I knew her so well, partly because we actually met before enrolling into this school... I don't want to think about it, I just need to ignore her.

I separated from her, even though she was following closely behind me. I quickly grabbed my lunch and found my way outside so I wouldn't have to deal with her.

Matsushita Chiaki... I don't want to think about her but it's really hard not to if she is in the same class as me for the next three years. Of course, that isn't the only excuse. I grew a bond with her, she shared her love with me and I took it.

It's not as if I was expecting anything from our friendship. I saw our relationship as special but obviously she didn't and I don't want to remember anything about her anymore. To shove memories so far away that they don't come back... but her presence in my class is a haunting reminder that for a time she was the only person I truly cared for.

We spent a year and a half together before enrolling here and we were meant to be spending this time we lost together.

I loved our friendship, I loved her but I wasn't in love. That difference really put into perspective my idea of the relationship between us. However, I knew if loving her was a mistake... if falling in love with her was a mistake... I would gladly make that mistake.

The edge of my character, the deep pit of emptiness was slowly filled with her presence. She was a true zenith to my endless search for companionship, she was the beginning of something I wanted to end. 

I loved her, she just didn't seem to love me in that way. What I thought was something special she had tarnished with betrayal and deceit. Expecting us to remain friends after that was the worst thing she could have had in her mind. To actually utter it out I was speechless and taken aback.

I'm not weak minded, but the way she tried to act as if we could continue as we are. Even now when she approached me. How could she be so different from the woman I had met two years ago?

"I knew I would find you here..." I looked up and found a familiar face. "Get up Ayanokouji, I was a friend of hers too but seriously you need to get your act together man. She's just a girl."

"Sudo, want to sit down? I can see two sandwich's sticking out of your pockets." I responded and I he facepalmed.

He took a seat beside me and smiled. "I haven't seen you at all Ayanokouji, even Miyake and Yukimura told me about not seeing you. Also, one of the sandwich's was for you. Repaying you for the last time you bought me lunch haha." He took one of the sandwich's out, unwrapped it and bit into it.

"I just felt like staying at home to be honest. I had stocked up food for the winter holidays and I mainly ordered takeaway."

I kept on chewing before swallowing his bite and looked at me. "I learnt how to cook thanks to Suzune, saved me a lot of money during the holidays. She also asked around about you, even me... you're growing distant from everyone man. You've helped me out a lot. If you need a ear, I think that's what Suzune said... then I'm here bro."  He took another bite of his sandwich.

"There isn't anything interesting to say Sudo, I just spent Christmas alone." I replied and he sighed.

"Matsushita... you know she was my friend. I cut her off after that incident. I only know about what happened because I saw it with you. If the reason why you are so distant is because of her then I understand. I know how something like that could affect you."

I looked down, sighing and not in a defeated way. "I really wish you hadn't done that for my sake Sudo. You two were close and she actually helped you out in some aspects to get you closer to Horikita. It was because of us that you were able to catch a bit of Horikitas interest... you should thank us for taking you in before Ike and Yamauchi got their hands onto you."

He laughed and then looked up. "Yeah, I think I got lucky talking to you first... anyways you really are thinking about her aren't you? I can't thank you and Matsushita enough for being my friends but Ayanokouji, she made her decision and you have to understand your position bro. I think you made the right decision in cutting her off and if you cut her... then I will too. Miyake and Yukimura will too. Suzune cares a lot about the class so she will still speak with her but still. You know we got your back." He went back to eating after that and I silently contemplated his words as I had my fill of my own food.

A bit of time went by where we silently ate until I broke the silence. "Thanks for being here Sudo." Throughout the months I spent in this school I changed the tiniest bit.

He smiled and wiped his hands off the crumbs. "It's no problem bro." He patted me on the back and stood up. "We got to go back to class, let's hurry man."

I may have changed... even the tiniest bit and I know that some of that change is due to finding other people who want to change too. Finding friends... I won't ever regret opening up a little bit.