No longer alive

Lifeless

I walk up to the banks of River Yana (Sakha, Russia). Its a beautiful river, no much greenery nor too little, I walk a little further and the sight I saw was mesmerizing. It wasn't the sun set or the sun rise or even the river....... A body, still and lifeless , the most beautiful article..... The river was already a beauty but this body so stiff and dead on its banks made the river divine.

I walked closer to the body, I was met with a very feminine face, pale skin..... the facial expressions seemed relaxed, like they were free...... free from this reality that we call life..... is living really that important? Do you ever attain freedom while living.... while existing, here in this reality? How did this person live? Did they commit suicide, or were they killed? If it was suicide, I envy, if it was murder, I pity..... People who have a will to live, die.... but people like me who seek this freedom of death, live. 

The body was stunning..... Ash like grey eyes, the sun shining onto the dead sullen pits of what was once I assume were beautiful lively eyes that blend into the fog. Their hair looked so soft, fluffy for someone dead, their hair was too healthy.... I walked even closer I wanted to touch them, I had to....... Soft, fluffy and long black hair..... it was still wet from the river, some of the hair stuck to the side of their face, I tucked to behind their ear, their skin was cold..... too cold......bitterly cold.... 

Isn't everyone tired? The sun sets when its tired and humans sleep..... right? But why do we have to wake up to get tired all over again? Its a waste...... but for some death is a curse something that takes people they love away from them and finally takes them away from their loved ones.... but for me it is a blessing, I have no one who would miss me.... no loved ones.... cuz this blessing took them away from me..... I am envious of this person who is now laying in front of me dead....... Maybe they wanted to live.... if they did I want switch.... I will die while they use my life.... 

I am not even living, there is only one difference between me and this dead body, I am alive physically, I can move....... while this person cannot.... being dead inside is worse than being being dead..... but can someone alive be completely dead inside and not feel a thing? That is impossible.

You eventually stop feeling happiness but loneliness and guilt never leave.... they haunt you. What did this person go through, if it was suicide.... if it was murder... was it an accident, or did the people who killed them have an intent? If so what was the intent?

My only wish is to be this person, still, cold, lifeless, dead. Not wanting to live is nothing new to me but really want to know how did it feel while dying? Was it reliving or maybe it was burdening or pain? I don't know but I want to know.... Too bad they're dead I can't ask.

A/N : 586 words 

Hello~! 

I was bored so did this~ (I will continue the other skk fanfic too~!) 

Short yes I know it was short but what more do I write on a dead body and the feelings oning on inside~ (I have never seen a dead body by the river btw~)