Silver and Gray Ashes

Chapter 1

I'm in the cemetery, in front of your grave. It's been two years since you're gone. In the first year I wasn't able to visit your grave. Now I'm visiting you every day. You are all I ever had, you were everything to me.

I'm severly depressed and I'm thinking about ending my own life. But I can't because I promised it to you. You asked me not to end my life in the letter you wrote, in your goodbye letter. You wrote it to me the night before you took your own life. The night before my heart got ripped out of my rib cage.

You vanished into thin air, more like into dust. That's all your remains just silver and grey ashes in a cold, metal urn, 2 meters under the ground. Not a day goes by without me think of you, and not a minute goes by without missing you.

At school I'm all alone I've got no one. I'm so lonely since you left this world. And they bully me for my self harm scars, they don't understand the pain of losing you. The teachers trying to be nice to me but they all do it because of the pity they feel for me. You were the only good thing that ever happened to me.

Your love made me the happiest person. I was so surprised when you approached me the day when we first met. People usually try to stay away from me, but you came up to me and you started to talk to me. You found interest my broken soul, you always found people interersting, you loved people so much and people loved you back. You lighted up any room you stepped in. You beautiful soul.

Weeks and months go by and not a day goes by without spending a little time with you. The pain is still here but my heart doesn't ache that much like in the begging. The seasons change but you'll never comeback to me.

The thoughts of your last minutes are still haunting me, I remember how you took your last breath between my arms how I held you while trying to stop the bleeding. I still remember like it was yesterday, the memory is so clear. I begged to God to save you, to bring you back to me. I cried out loud, screaming your name in pain, because I knew there is no way back from there, nothing can save you. From that moment I no longer believe in God.