Eventually, sadness is about others. It's about what people told you. What they think of you. Things they did that hurt you. It was only actions when you were 12.
But when you're 15 and trying to discover yourself, sadness is about yourself.
How all your life you thought that you have so many friends. That you're nice person. That people like you. That you're better off than the rest. That nothing was impossible. That if I just told him that I liked him, he would like me too. If I gave her a sandwich from my tiffin, she would surely be my friend forever.
At 15, it was those actions turned to words. Words that scarred your mind and sometimes your soul too.
You become so much more than you used to before. You go from Enid Blyton to Nicholas Sparks. From Orange juice to beer. From Chocolate cigarettes to actual ones.
It's when you're 15 going on 16 you know that your life is so much more than just this sadness. That your life is a lot more than just happiness. It's not only about love. Or friendship. Not only about your grades. Not only about that college you get into. Not that dress or those glasses.
It's about your actions. It's about your emotions. It's about who YOU are. And who you grow up to be. It's about the drunken words you said to her. The way you cried for him last night. The number of times you tried.
It's your actions, your words, your sadness all brought down to that one moment. That one moment when you know you're okay. When you know, that all those years as a teenager you weren't missing out. All those cuts in your wrist all those drunken nights. All have brought you to this. And you shouldn't regret it. Not a single moment.
For every moment is you. Every single one of it.
