I apologize for this post being rant-y.
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The rain's started to make me sad.
The dark clouds and thunderstorms that earlier excited me are now plain annoying and gloomy. And sad.
I don't know why this is happening. I don't feel nice about it. It's like I'm leaving behind a part of who I was.
I dont even know who I am. What I want. Who I want to be. Where I'm going. It's this weird whirlwind of unwanted, uncalled for emotions and I don't know how to get out. I'm in the eyes of the storm, whirling around, loosing an eye or hand or all my senses and I really don't know what to do.
Maybe this is
me growing up, a phase where I'll like everything I disliked and I'll dislike whatever I liked. I'll make new friends, maybe the old ones will fade. There will be lots of hurting and loving, I guess.
But I don't know whether I want this. I don't know if I want these emotions all messed up. I don't know if I even want these emotions anymore. I don't know anything.
And I don't know if I want to know.
And by this point I've lost hope in everyone and in happy endings.
And I miss loving the rain.
