HOLDING ON (Revised)

Chapter 2

*Chapter 2*

*Alli*

I watched Matthew, who sat across from me, his gaze never leaving me as I ate what he had made for me. He smiled when I finished it all, making my heart thump hard in my chest and making me feel like a traitor. I hated feeling anything for him.

The thought of him easing the pain of Nick's death made me feel sick inside. I had to admit that without him here right now, I wouldn't have been able to eat all I did, and I was grateful. I closed my eyes and breathed, needing to calm all the emotions raging inside me. The fact that I was heavily pregnant didn't help at all in this situation.

"Are you okay, Alli?" Matthew said, his voice causing so much havoc.

"No, I'm not Matt," I said, standing.

He stood up and stepped toward me; my hand flew up to tell him to stop, not wanting him to take a step closer.

"I hate how you make me feel," I said, tears in my eyes.

"You are not who I chose, and even knowing that I would lose him like this, I would pick him again if I had the chance," I said, knowing each word was true.

"I'm sorry, Alli. I am. I know I have done nothing but hurt you, but the need to take care of you is strong inside of me. The thought of you hurting like this is killing me inside. Please don't hate me too much. I'm not trying to take Nick's place, nor will I ever try to do that. I know how much you love him." Matthew said, sadness in his eyes.

"So, please don't tell me to stay away, Alli, becasue I can't. I'll leave for today, but I'll be back to check on you," he said, walking out of the room.

"How did it go with Matthew?" Macy asked, watching for my reaction.

"He wants to help me get through Nick's death," I said, emotion bubbling inside.

"Maybe you should let him, Alli. You have been a complete wreck, not taking care of yourself. Let him ease some of that for you."

"How can he still love me?" I asked more to myself than anyone

"He's your true Mate, Alli. Of course, he still loves you. Just like you still love him." Macy said something inside of me, stirring.

Maybe she was right, but I didn't want to love him, and I would fight it and him.

I knew what Nick would want, but I didn't care. He had left me, and I would be defiant to the very end because of it. I wouldn't be falling into Matthews's arms no matter how much my traitorous body wanted me to.

"What exactly did he say?" Macy said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"He said that he would never stop loving me and that only I could have his love or be his Luna. Macy, he's with someone and has been for a few years," I said with a frown.

"And that matters why?" She replied.

"What do you mean? She has got to love..."

"Hold up, Alli," Macy said, interrupting me midsentence.

"What did he have to say about her?" She asked, waiting for my answer.

"He said that she knew that I was his mate, that he loved me, and that he has always been clear and upfront with her," I said, thinking of my heartache because I knew she must love him.

The thought of someone suffering like I was right now made sorrow fill my body. No one would stay with someone for so many years without love. My stomach turned, and I knew when he broke things off with her, she would be heartbroken.