I love you, Sunshine

{One}

"I'm holding onto the last, I'm holding on till there's nothing left.."

-The Fray; Uncertainty.

She's the kind of girl who planned her funeral when she was 16, and not her wedding. Not because she was morbid, or hopelessly depressed, but because a funeral is definite and a wedding is not and so it made no sense to plan something uncertain. She didn't plan her life out either, because she couldn't decide. She could never decide on anything, whether it was clothes or her career. But she was beautiful, and gracefully clumsy, and everything that I wanted. Just sitting next to her tore my chest apart and I couldn't stop smiling down at her. Her hair was a dark brunette and it framed her features beautifully and emphasised how the flecks of green in her eyes complimented the overall rich blue.

A year ago, I could never even hope to sit this close to her again, and all that time has done is remind me to appreciate every damn second.

"What?" her smile melted my whole body. I was in her command, and she had to know it.

"Nothing" I just smiled back, I was to reluctant to let her actually know. My heart was torn between decisions – this is probably how she feels everyday when she decides what to eat.

The biggest decision is Alex – whom I'd recently met. Although I never got over her, I decided I should probably try. Alex was her polar opposite, not as in she was horrible and Alex was amazing, but their traits were vastly different. Alex is sweet, shy, calm and collected, she knows where she's going and how to get there - while she is always in a panic about nothing, constantly craving an adrenaline rush, outspoken and domineering. I think I'll be good with Alex, she'll keep me grounded.

On Sunday, I hold Alex's hand nervously. She's probably here – she said she would be. I was desperate to see her reaction – to know if she cared or if she had moved on and only saw me as a friend now. I know I stuffed up, but I hoped that she would somehow still want me. After a while I caught her eye, and she did that adorable nose-wrinkle smile of hers. My world collapsed around me – she looked genuinely happy. I smiled back, and kissed Alex on the cheek when we sat down to remind myself how happy she made me now.

Our love story ended just as quickly and as tragically as all the rest.