I love you, Sunshine

{Two}

"How deep do you want to go? Don't you know that some things are better left alone?..."

-Sleeping with Sirens; Left Alone

2.36 AM. She's probably awake, she used to have trouble sleeping. Of course I wouldn't know now, I've barely spoken to her in the past year. I should be lying here thinking about Alex, I should be giddy as a child. Honestly what's wrong with me.

I'm supposed to be up in less than 3 hours. So does she –Trav told me she still does morning fitness. Her beautiful smile was playing over and over in my mind. I missed her. I missed waking up to messages from her because she couldn't sleep, or because she missed me. I missed her full lips pressed against mine, or holding her slight frame in my arms. I miss teasing her about the fact that she stopped growing when she was 13. The first day I saw her I didn't know I'd fall in love with her, I didn't think about it at all. She was just a girl in a grade below me. I was only 10 then, but as time went on I started to realise how beautiful she is. When it came time for me to leave primary school I figured I'd never see her again. Except two years after that she walked into church. She was late, and her hair was up in a bun. She had barely any make-up on, and wore a hoody with baggy pants. It was easy to tell she had a rough night but I never asked. I don't even think she realised she'd sat next to me. I left as soon as it was over and she'd obviously gotten distracted because her mom sent her brother to find her and I went with. I bumped straight into her and then we had coffee with our families and it was then that I knew she'd destroy me.

I'd be dying to send her a message but somehow felt that I'd be cheating on Alex, and it was probably best that I don't. I liked Alex, I owed it to her to at least try.

I somehow drifted off to sleep, and my dreams were filled with darkness.

"Jayce, baby get up. Or you'll be late"

I was vaguely aware of the lights going on and my mom standing next to my bed. I opened my eyes slowly and started to get up. I checked my phone and saw I had a message from Alex.

"Morning baby, have an amazing day :*. I'll talk to you tonight."

I replied and went to face the day, doing my best to think of Alex instead of her. I even changed my status to Alex's name – making it official. She was not in my life anymore and eventually I'll understand that.