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There's one thing that terrifies Harm more than anything else in the world and that's the thought of losing you. It had almost happened once back in LA. You'd caught a bullet during a raid, been in critical condition for a couple of days. He'd managed to hitch a ride back to the States, sat by your bedside, held your hand. When you'd woken up he was the first face you saw, the first voice you'd heard.
He'd stuck around for as long as the Navy would allow, supporting you through your recovery before he'd had to return to the USS Allegiance. He'd called you daily after that, keeping an eye on your rehab, checking in with your team. His deployment had been six months back then, this time it's nine.
It's too long to ask someone to wait, Mac had told him all those years ago. Six months was too much. Nine is impossible.
He doesn't know what to say, so instead he pushes the letter depicting his orders across the table towards you. It's your second day in the new house, you've barely unpacked the coffeemaker and already he's shipping out. He watches your expression as you read it, you get that little crinkle in your brow and he knows already that he's asking too much.
"You're worried?" You query, setting the document back down upon the surface of the table.
He inclines his head because he doesn't trust himself to speak right now. He doesn't like talking about Mac, it takes him back to a time that makes him feel fraught and out of control. He had tried so hard to make it work between the two of them, to become the man she wanted him to be.
"Harm." You murmur shifting out of your seat and into his lap. He wraps his arms around your waist, cradling you close as he buries his face into the curve of your throat. He doesn't want this to end, he prays that it doesn't but he knows the reality of the situation, history has taught him well.
You cradle his face between your hands, your nose trailing along his as you look into his eyes.
"The distance doesn't change how I feel about you." You say softly. "It doesn't stop me wanting you, needing you, loving you."
"Savanna..." He begins, his voice strained. You can tell he's struggling, you can't say you blame him. He gave up everything for Mac, a promotion, his career, his home and she'd turned around and shoved it back in his face.
"Harm," You cut him off and his lips purse together in a grim line. Your thumb chases over his cheek bone and he closes his eyes, savouring the sensation. "Do you have any idea how special you are to me?"
Your lips brush over his forehead, his nose, his mouth. When you kiss him, it feels like the sweetest damn thing.
You'd been adrift for a long time before you'd met you, always bouncing from place to place, never settling long enough to make any real connections.
You'd left an ex-husband back in Cincinnati, a man who stifled you, manipulated you, cheated on you. The worst part was everybody had known and no one had said a damn thing. You'd packed a bag and left, decided to have your own adventure, you travelled the world as an NCIS Agent, never staying longer than six months before moving onto the next city, the next country. Your relationships were fleeting, a couple of nights here and there, a week at most. Then you'd boarded the USS Allegiance, become the agent afloat and all of that had changed.
"My life was grey before I met you." He finds himself telling you as he tucks a strand of hair back behind your ear. "I was just starting to put the pieces of myself back together and then you stepped onto my ship, this whirlwind of light and colour. My life is better, brighter with you in it. I don't want to lose that, I don't want to lose you."
"You won't." You sooth him, your lips brushing over his. "We belong together, you and I. I promise you a couple of extra months on the ship isn't going to change that. "
