Walking through the paths of solitude in a diseased and silent world, you come across the memory of the old civilisation.
Stumbling across the highness of it you stay and discover that curiosity does not kill the cat but brings a change for good or...
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Scavenging with any group that leaves Sanctuary, occupies most of your days. What's outside is your world, where you know how to move, how to play. It's almost like you are trying to avoid reality, the view of what's going on in the lower floors of the building. Turning a blind eye to the Saviours' abuse towards people is the only way you could do so. Not being there. Still, it's like it haunts you, seeing from the corner of an eye, how it gets perpetrated.
Negan has to agree with it when it's so common. There's no way he doesn't see or know, the Saviours' use of physical punishment to afront any sort of confrontation and the constant abuse of power when it comes to belongings. Your thoughts and actions twist to centre on winning him; the big bad wolf's trust. Without that, there's nothing you can do for these people or his wives.
Most of your productive working time is around him as if he wants to be glued to you. He will ask your opinion on random things, sometimes important decisions that require some knowledge. It reminds you of when you were your mum's right hand and she would let you make decisions to evaluate your qualities as a possible successor. In his own words: he values your opinion as much as Simon's or any of the other high ranks, admitting it comes from your stay outside by yourself. He says it blows his mind that you've managed to survive on your own, remarking it has nothing to do with you being a woman.
It surprises him so much he asks more than once if it was, in fact, six months because that's a lot of time to be on your own. The first time, you talked about the scars on your body, where they came from, and who or what caused them. Although you told him there were a few you couldn't recall. You knew there was one he hadn't seen and that's the only one you avoid talking about.
The second time, it was more like asking for a reminder and when he asked about your group, you just didn't feel good talking about it. Surprisingly, he didn't push it further.
In the beginning, you thought his appreciation excluding your pretty face was touching, since he had been flirting with you from the moment he set eyes on you. At some point, you even expected him to be trying to push you into marrying him like he's done with his golden-caged birds. But on second thought, you figured out he's interested in understanding how your mind functions, for easier control since you have nothing to lose. It wasn't a surprise but the idea still bothers you.
Inside the Sanctuary you feel the breath in the air coming from that many people living together. Different mindsets cluttered in the same space like a bee's nest, just less alike because the ones protecting the working bees are also their bullies.
Being with people after such a long time alone doesn't seem to be your forté but being alone again is too fucked up to consider it an option. The world has become a deadly dangerous place with all those non-dead walking around and trying to take a chunk out of you. Although the survivors can be even worse.
Here the rules matter, which seems to be engraved with fire in these people's minds. Negan keeps people alive in a system that's tough but works. Kind of. It reminds you of those documentaries you used to watch on TV about modern slavery in various countries, that made it sound too far to even suggest it could happen in yours. But here you are, observant of those images in the very place you live, just a few feet from you.
