Gn-Gnarly Ed-Ed-Eddy... (A Splatoon 3: Side Order Fanfiction)

Abyssal_Trench(Diver-Down).Floor (Chapter 8)

That run. That one was painfully close.

Eddy groaned, throwing the Sloshing Machine on the ground and curling his legs up to his chest. He had just died on Floor 28, he still hadn't even gotten to Smollusk yet. He had been at it all day. All cod damn day. Every time it took hours off of his life, countless hours effectively wasted when they could've been spent comforting his husband back home. He knew he had to do this. He had to do it for Scuba. But he still couldn't help but let that voice in his head talk him down.

"Oi, Ed-" Acht stopped, glancing for only a moment before silently sitting down beside Gnarly Eddy on the bench. They let out a small breath, then began breathing in an almost robotic, rhythmic pattern.

Eddy took notice of this, regulating his breathing by following the sanitized octoling's lead. It took a while, but he was finally able to shove that voice out of his head for the time being. He didn't speak as he picked the Sloshing Machine back up, but he did circle back to shake Acht's hand.

"Hey," he said, a kind smile on his face as he held her hand in his tentacles, "Thank you. For all of this. You think you have one more run in you?"

"I just ride the elevator," they smiled, the smallest flash of jubilant yellow peeking out from under their black glasses, "You packing up after this one?"

"No," he said, holding the Sloshing Machine as firmly as he could. He heard the whirring whispers of it, just barely making out the sounds of Scuba's voice. The lovely and soft tones; just another reason to keep going. "This is the last run. For real this time."

"You the man," Acht said, then chuckled a little nervously, "Sorry, I don't really... um... yeah. Let's get going."

---

Eddy fell back against the wall of the elevator, his breath heavy but his smile wide. He was already back at Floor 20, but he knew he couldn't get lazy just yet. This was the final stretch, but first was the boss.

"Got one of those bigger..." Acht shook her head, laughing at themself, "You already get it. Go get 'em."

Gnarly Eddy nodded, grabbing the Sloshing Machine and exiting the elevator. His smile only grew wider when he saw it was the Parallel Canon floor, which meant he just had to ride the cage from and back to the elevator. He hopped in, ready for the freest floor of his life...

And then the speakers came on. An earth-shattering, yet obviously childish, voice erupted from the speakers all around him.

That is pwenty faw enough, husband of Scuba. I admit you are wesiliant, but youw chaotic ways end hewe. I saved youw husband, and if I cannot convince you of that, then you must be PUNISHED!!

"Bring it on!" Eddy shouted back up at the child, the Sloshing Machine revving in his tentacles, "You may think you scare me, but I know what you are! You're just an immature little kid, and I'm never gonna stop until my husband is back to the way he was!"

You cannot wevewse the effects of pewfection... but it will be fun to see you twy. Just wemembew one thing, husband of Scuba...

Dead or alive, youw husband is mine.

Sirens began blaring all throughout the room, the huge metal gates at the other side slowly opening. Eddy braced himself, his tentacles flexing themselves against the Sloshing Machine's handle and his legs stretching a bit.

The gates screeched to a halt, the sound of what sounded like thousands of footsteps approaching the nautilus. The sirens grew louder, the entire arena covered in shining red lights. Eddy thought he could hear a low whisper coming from his weapon, only to realize it was actually coming from past the gate.

"H-Husband..." thousands of voices chanted in tandem, "Husb-band... HUSBAND!!!"

The floodgates opened, a virtual army of Scuba clones rushing out of the gate and towards Eddy. He immediately turned away, dashing back towards the cage. For some reason, it was already able to be used again, and he hopped in and flew towards the elevator. Looking back, the Parallel Canon's were already building a bridge using their bodies to chase after him.

Eddy climbed into the elevator, slamming the shut button as the clones leapt towards him. The doors closed at the last second, one of the clones' arms being cut off by the doors and flopping to the ground. Eddy just stared at Acht, who was completely frozen in place.

"What the heck-" Eddy coughed, the sounds of banging metal echoing in the elevator. He looked over to the buttons, only to see that the button to the final floor was already open. "Wha...?"

"Smollusk did it," Acht said, pushing Eddy out of the way and pressing the button to the Final Floor.

"Did what now?"

"Complete Order," Acht shook their head, "Marina found the plots after one of Eight's runs a while back, when she got Agent Four's palette done. It was a plan to copy the Parallel Canon and form an army using the soul of just one inkling... or in this case, octoling. This must be why Scuba didn't change back after his palette was reconfigured."

"That bastard..." Eddy said, gripping the Sloshing Machine in his arms, "He's a fool, letting me get up for free like this. He's gonna pay!"

"It could be a trap," Acht reminded him, "To release Complete Order but then also put the entire Spire on Panic Mode... it seems like something is seriously wrong."

"Then we use that to our advantage!"

"Hmm..." they thought for a moment, but didn't say anything more on the matter. The elevator became dead silent after that, sin the occasional sound of metal scraping beneath them. The Parallel Canon's below seemed to be just slow enough that they couldn't catch up with the elevator, but they'd get there the second it stopped. "I'll be joining you. No reason to get torn apart by a million Scubas."

"Yeah-"

*DING!*

The elevator door opened, a blast of red light hitting the two as they stared out at the giant arena. Smollusk floated idly above it, their body swaying in the air. Eddy and Acht ran over to the cage and flew across together, the two looking back just as the Scuba clones bursted through the elevator and rushed out towards them. A few of the clones fell off the edge of the platform, while a few others were able to super-jump across.

Eddy and Acht both landed, a wall of armed Parallel Canons the only thing between them and Smollusk. The baby seemed to be smiling, even giggling to itself as it stared down at the two.

"You have finawwy made it hewe..." he chuckled, his voice blasting outwards with such force as to almost knock them over, "But don't think this gets any easiew... It onwy gets hawdew fwom hewe..."

"Give me back my husband-!"

"Nuh-uh-uh!" Smollusk wagged a tentacle, "You didn't say the magic wowd!"

"Smollusk, please," Acht said, putting themself between Eddy and Order, "I know you're better than this. You probably think this is all a game, right? It's not a game, Smollusk. You're hurting Scuba so much you can't even believe. You need to stop."

"You need too stoooop..." Smollusk repeated back mockingly. They then pointed a tentacle at the two, commanding the Parallel Canons to attack. "How dawe you! This is not a game! Those who mock me in such a way must be PUNISHED!"