Keep Your Enemies Closer

A Face of Acceptance and Love

"Outer beauty turns the head, but inner beauty turns the heart." — Helen J. Russell

Reyna was reeling after her conversation with Fabian so she had spent the afternoon in the Library, quietly reading with a mug of coffee. It did little to distract her from her thoughts, Fabian's words on an unbreakable loop on her head. He was right - she had lied and deceived them all. She had expected him to be angry, didn't fault him for it. And yet what hurt the most was that he told her that he loved her, that beauty didn't matter. It was a concept unimaginable to Reyna but hearing Fabian say it had sent a surge of shame through her. She felt her cheeks flushing red at the thought of it. His words had broke her and made her anew all at once. She was vain, selfish, self absorbed but she would change. Even if it meant sacrificing her beauty, so be it. It was a fickle thing anyway, she had learnt in the last hour.

A book Reyna had begun reading, called Inner Beauty, which pocketing would be her last sin. It was fascinating and humbling all at once. It depicted myths and folk tales of old worlds where your good deeds would be rewarded with gifts. And this girl, Memphis, was the purest of them all. Until she had unlimited beauty, wealth and intelligence and her purity rotted, festering into something darker and wretched. And with her vanity and self entitlement, she lost it all. Without what she had become so reliant on, Memphis shrivelled away to a husk. It was a warning and one Reyna should have heeded. What she would heed now. 

"What are you reading?" A voice asked from the shadows and Reyna almost jumped out of her skin as a lean female figure slunk forward. Olive skin, dark hair and eyes, a cat's smug smile. Seeing her here jolted Reyna back to the past, where everything had gone so wrong with Julie and Mimoza. It was enough for Reyna to counter with, "do you make a habit of sneaking up on people?" 

Tegan laughed, sinking into a chair opposite her. Her eyes gleamed in the sun, turning them murky. She stretched out lazily, tucking a strand of shining hair behind her ear before watching Reyna intently. She didn't flinch away from the stare, only looked back without so much as a blink. It was a battle of wills, who would break first. At last, Tegan looked away, a smirk tugging on her lips like she was laughing at something just out of Reyna's sight. It was enough to make her feel a sliver of unease as she crossed her legs, clenching her hands on the arms of the chair as inconspicuous as she could manage. "This conversation has been a long time coming, Reyna." She said finally, drawing out the syllables of her name. Panic seemed to rise in her at the calmness of Tegan's position, of her having the power of knowledge.

"Oh?" Reyna asked as innocently as she could, tilting her head to the side in confusion while her heart quickened pace. "Since..." she made a show of thinking about it, tapping her temple in mock thought. "Since Deidre, perhaps?" Reyna couldn't hide the emotions that flitted across her face in rapid succession - surprise, disbelief, fear, worry. How long had she known? She became numb on the chair, insides going cold, the heat rushing out of her face replaced with a white sheen. "Or," she continued. "Since you sabotaged me with my dress? Stole my jewellery? Turned the other girls against me? Lied to Donovan? Stormed in on our date?" Her lips twisted in hate as her eyes roved over Reyna. 

If she had tried to speak, no words would come out. She had never been so caught off guard, had never been at such a loss, had never lost so badly. Had Tegan laughed internally every time they met eyes at Reyna thinking she didn't recognise her? "You thought I didn't recognise you." She stated matter-of-fact before tutting in disappointment. "The first time I saw you at the breakfast table." She smiled but it was anything but kind. A predator taking its time cornering its prey. And she had taken her time - all these weeks, sharpening her claws for this ultimate victory.

Reyna's mouth had gone as dry as sandpaper and Tegan knew it as she smacked her lips together, a cat relishing its meal. "You were using your own name, Reyna!" Tegan let out a sharp laugh that grated across her bones. "Yes, you were beautiful." She murmured wistfully. "More so than me. But it was still you, the ugly boring girl who lived in a ramshackle house." The words shouldn't have been a slap in a face, not from a girl she so thoroughly despised but they were. "And you are still ugly despite this," she waved a hand in front of her face to make her point at Reyna;s new mask. "Because underneath it all, you're still you."

"You're right." Reyna replied simply. Tegan blinked once, expecting a furious snap rather than a weary response. "You're right." She repeated. And Reyna was so so tired of pretending otherwise, that she was someone else. Most tired of trying to convince herself of all that she was different, would never be that girl again. But no matter how beautiful she was, it wouldn't erase the broken soul inside. It wouldn't magically repair because the healing had to be done from the inside not the outside. Because, to feel beautiful, she had to love herself first. How can you be beautiful if you despise your very soul and dub it an evil twisted thing? To expect to see a flower on the outside when a nest of thorns seethe within and prick that very flower with every malicious thought? 

No. "I was ugly because I wasn't happy." Reyna murmured. "I didn't love or accept myself. I would strike myself down at every opportunity, fighting my own shadow at every corner. You didn't help, of course." She could feel her eyes stinging with unshed tears but pressed on, swallowing the lump in her throat. "But I came here," she let out a choked, breathless laugh. "I made friends. People who accepted me, loved me so one day I may offer the same to myself." Everly, who had been kind to her the day they met and treated her as a friend without a second thought. Gladys, who was no great beauty but who the Princess of the Kingdom had fallen in love with. Another example of beauty not being everything to love, happiness and life. Donovan, who had fallen in love with her rather than the other wealthy, interesting girls he could have picked from. And Fabian, who had fallen for her heart and not what he saw on the outside. Not once he had called her beautiful, she had realised. Who had taught her love was not only skin deep. 

She had seen the world through a warped lens. She had seen it as bleak and grey, that if she did not have beauty she was nothing and had no contribution. That she was worthless to society and it had proved true. She had been shunned. But she had let them shun her. She had ran away from her problems, blaming it on beauty and on nothing else, on what was set in blood and bone and not something she could change. It was too easy to accept, to point the finger at some unseen force instead of acknowledging the problem all along. She was. And how was she to ever stand a chance if she was not beautiful on the inside? Having beauty on the outside these weeks had caused her to truly flourish on the inside, believing it to be her salvation. But Reyna had never needed it all along, really. The world was no longer warped but ripe, blooming, colour spilling across her vision in various shades of loving pink, angry red and content blue, melding together to create beauty itself. The real beauty was living. And she had learned to live, love and laugh. Appearance was only a mask.

Reyna ripped that mask away, revealing her true face. Tegan gaped at her, dumbstruck. Reyna smiled and the pull of her own mouth against her own skin made her entire being want to sing. "There's only one ugly person in the room here."Reyna whispered and then she was crying and laughing, tears falling in a tirade down her cheeks. Tegan continued to stare which only made Reyna laugh harder, doubling over like a mad woman onto the shelves. She felt mad, she likely looked mad and she didn't care. It was such a crazy thought but she didn't care. "I don't care!" Reyna shouted up to the sky as she picked up Inner Beauty and clutched it against her chest. Tegan was still silent, dawning on her that whatever she said would have no effect on Reyna whatsoever. She had realised a truth she had shunned for quite some time and the discovery had led her to a heightened high of emotions, feels and thoughts. "I should thank you for the conservation," Reyna said breathlessly, leaning against the shelves while she panted. "Well." She tilted her head, felt her cheeks, the slope of her nose and the rim of her eyes. And for the first time, her mood didn't lower at her own appearance. She only grinned at its familiarity, like going home after an extremely long day. The day may have been lavish and expensive but no place was as comfortable as home. 

Reyna winked at Tegan on her way out and raced down the hall, not caring who saw her or recognised her. It wouldn't be such a horrible thing if they did.