Fake fake fake fake
Can't even think without being fake wtf is wrong with me
I'm standing here on my bathrooms threshold I don't even know if that's correct all I can think about is the scissors lying on my table. They're my friend's . I want to drive it through my wrist. I saw the sharpness Thom they're very blunt. Will require a lot of force. I don't wanna do this. I want help but indont have qnyone to help me. Kya karu Mai. Will my friends help me if they see the scar? Or run away idk. I'm scared of losing the small amount of friends I have they're very nice but I don't think they'll want to take my load. I tried calling them to get me to think about something else but it's 430am. They're all sleeping. Or drunk. I don't know what to do. I have so many good things in my life I try so hard to focus on them but it's so difficult. It is becoming very difficult to keep going. Everyone thinks I've recovered from my 'phase'. It was durring COVID. I was prepping for jee what if I eat all the meds I ahve I think that will kill me surely? But I mostly have multivitamins only that sucks. I'm fighting so hard I swear. But that scissor is right there I can end it all right now so easily. I'll keep my room locked and drain all my blood till I die. No one will see my scars and pity me then. They won't have to deal with me. No one really knows how depressed I am. Even I don't know how depressed I am I jsut don't know what to do. I tried going to a counselor that didn't work. I just felt stupid sitting there talking about my non existent problems. Felt like I was making excuses why can't God just kill me naturally and get it over withWHYY it will be so easy. Not just for me for everyon earound me. I told my brother about my suicidal thoughts when I was in 11th. He said all kids my age get them. I think I've been sucidal since way before even I knew.
