03/04/2024
I'm sat outside the small pub up the top of town. It's midnight and pouring with rain , the only thing keeping me somewhat warm is the dim heater secured loosely above my head. 'Undercover Martyn' by Two Door Cinema Club is playing through the crackly outdoor speaker. A song i've grown to love throughout my frequent visits to the somewhat well-known public house .
It's busy but it's not heaving as a small underground band is playing a gig inside. I'm leant back in the metal garden chairs doused in chipped paint. I'm sat across from the girl that only months ago I was admittedly terrified of . The only thing that separates us is a small wooden garden table .
I have an almost burnt out cigarette in one hand and my cheap pint in the other. We've been here for hours. In that time that seems to have flown by we've laughed , we've cried, we've discussed love and failed relationships, childhood and regrets. Anything and everything.
For the first time in a while I feel contempt with my situation. I'm in a perfect place. I've got a good job, education is going as-well as I could possibly hope, i've got a good circle of people around me . My skin is cleared up, the weight i've been hoping to drop for months has suddenly disappeared, leading me to , for the first time in a while not feel so guilty about the vast amount of 'pub grub' i had consumed. I am happy.
I am living my silly little teenage girl life with my silly little teenage girl friends. I've got a silly little teenage girl job and i'm currently wrapped up in my silly little teenage girl crush. I know for definite that one day I will look back on my silly little teenage girl memories and be thankful for them.
From a young age, I knew that no matter my outcome I wanted to be remembered as someone fun . Someone who never took life too seriously and now I am realising that's the outcome I will achieve. I will get my wish.
The fact that I am able to sit here at this present moment should serve as a reminder to any girl young or old, big or small that those silly little mistakes you make, in the end mean nothing in this silly little world.
Me being able to write this is a product of me truly believing in that fact . Because I have made countless silly little mistakes in my short, silly little lifetime but they don't matter .
So now I sit here on the 7th of April, glass of wine to the right of me, Everything I know about Love by Dolly Alderton hanging off of my bed, childhood teddy bear next to me and Pearls by Sade playing as I turn my journal into a story because my silly little mistakes weren't as bad as they once seemed and they ultimately weren't worth ending my silly little life over.
