Muted (穆然)

16

When the wound was almost healed, Aunt Li came to see me and brought over the clothes, ID card, bank card, etc. that I had left at home. Aunt Li's husband was injured on the construction site. It was not serious, but life was inconvenient. Aunt Li rushed over to take care of him and would not be back for a short time. Aunt Li knew that my mother was buried in the cemetery and had already visited it.

"The conditions there are very good, you don't have to worry." Aunt Li sat in front of my bed and peeled an apple for me.

"Well, I will visit her after I am discharged from the hospital." I felt a little relieved when Aunt Li said this.

"Is that person who helped me your friend? He's really nice." Aunt Li asked suddenly as she handed me the apple. I knew she was talking about Yi Tian. I was stunned for a moment and didn't know how to answer, so I could only smile at her and nod. I didn't want to talk any more, so I quickly changed the subject, "In the future, during the Chinese New Year and holidays, please go see my mother, bring her food, talk to her, etc. I don't have anything, I just have some money left on the card. , take it, the password is..." As I said that, I handed her the bank card.

"What are you doing!" Aunt Li stood up suddenly and pushed the card back. "You are still sick now. You will need money when your life improves in the future. Keep it well."

"You also need money to buy things. I may not be able to take care of these things in the future. There is not much money on the card, so just accept it." I insisted and handed over the card.

Aunt Li was stunned for a moment and asked me with some confusion: "Xiao Mu, what are your plans for the future?"

"I probably won't stay in this city," I smiled at her, "and I probably won't come back again."

Aunt Li also wanted to persuade me, but she didn't say anything after seeing my expression. She just sighed and said, "If I hadn't done any surgery, maybe...maybe..." Her voice became choked and her eyes became red.

I know that Aunt Li still blames me a little in her heart. She still doesn't know where I went during those few days when I disappeared. If I hadn't disappeared for no reason, nothing would have happened to my mother. She just saw that I was hurt and felt sympathy, so she didn't ask anything. I don't want to explain too much. No matter how much I say, people won't come back.

In the end, Aunt Li didn't accept the card. She just told me to take good care of myself and left in a hurry. She still had to catch the train, and she had other concerns in another city.

I haven't seen Yi Tian since I woke up last time, but the two women who followed him would show up every meal day, bringing me food, cleaning the room, and helping me change into hospital clothes and so on. I know that these are Yi Tian's arrangements. He did this not out of concern, but probably because he didn't want me to bother him about my injury in the future. There was no point in worrying about this, and it might cause him to misunderstand. I simply accepted it calmly without thinking too much about it.

After having dinner and getting the doctor's permission, I slowly walked downstairs and sat in the hospital garden to enjoy the breeze. My body felt uncomfortable after lying on the bed for a long time. Everywhere I touched hurt, as if it were rusty. The ward was also stuffy, and I felt depressed after staying there for a long time. People were coming and going in a hurry, including patients with ugly faces being supported by family members, and doctors in white coats walking past with medical records in their hands, a gust of wind behind them.

I was the only one sitting quietly, even thinking about observing others.

"Little rabbit, be good..." The clear and childish voice next to me attracted my attention. I turned around and saw that there was a mother and daughter sitting on the other side of my bench. The little girl who looked like 3 or 4 years old was looking towards me. She sat sideways in her mother's arms and sang in my direction. Seeing me staring at her, she immediately buried her face in her mother's arms shyly. Her mother noticed her movements and turned to look at me. I gave her a kind smile, and she was stunned and quickly nodded and smiled in greeting. At this time, the little girl quietly exposed her head, and looked at me curiously with her big, round, grape-like black eyes. I thought about it, and simply sat a little closer to them, maintaining a polite but still acceptable attitude. The distance to hear me.

"You sing so beautifully. Can you sing one more?" I lowered my head slightly and smiled and talked to the little girl. She blushed and quickly buried her head in her mother's arms, leaving a round and cute back for me.

"Uncle praises you, why don't you sing a song for him?" Her mother lowered her head to persuade her, but she still refused to raise her head, and her little hands still held her mother's clothes tightly. I smiled and didn't force her. I heard her mother speak with a foreign accent, so I just started chatting with her mother.

It turns out that the little girl is 4 years old this year and has congenital heart disease. Her parents are farmers in the countryside. The family conditions are very poor, so the treatment has been delayed. This time, the couple simply sold everything they could in their hometown and borrowed some money from relatives. They used all their savings to go to the provincial capital to perform surgery on her. Now they rent a basement near the hospital to live in and take care of their children. The mother of the child had a calm face when she told me about it, and occasionally she would tease the child with a smile. She did not have a sad expression of bitterness or hatred.

I was a little surprised. To be honest, I have read too many news reports and I always felt that the people in the village attach great importance to carrying on the family line and are more or less patriarchal. I didn't expect this couple to put everything on their daughter. He didn't leave any escape route for himself. Thinking of this, I feel that I am superficial. Children from rich families are equally valuable, and children from poor families are equally valuable. There is no difference. Let's talk about parents' love for their children and the importance of children to a family. People like me can't speculate and comment on this.

The little girl pouted and sang softly. I squeezed her little hand and comforted her softly: "Now that science is advanced, this surgery is nothing. The child will definitely grow up healthy."

"As long as she gets better, we don't ask for anything. It doesn't matter if we lose the house or the land, as long as she gets better."

I was stunned.

This woman looks ordinary, wearing a khaki sweater, and an old black coat of rough fabric. The fingers holding the child are thick and she looks like someone who often does farm work. Such an ordinary person who may not have much education yet said something that made my eyes well up in an instant.

Just then the child's father also came. He bought some big meat buns for his wife and daughter, but the tall man sat next to him and munched the buns. The couple politely wanted to treat me to some steamed buns, so I quickly thanked them with a smile and told them that I had already had dinner.

The little girl with a greasy mouth who was eating meat buns peeked at me from time to time. Probably because I had talked to her mother for a while and the conversation had become more familiar, she would occasionally smile at me shyly, with cute dimples showing at the corners of her mouth. While taking care of her daughter, the woman peeled off the core of the meat and let the man eat the bun skin. I sat quietly watching this family of three, and suddenly I felt so warm that I wanted to cry.

The world has always been like this. Just when you think your heart has been wrapped in cold ice and you are indestructible, he will gently lift the veil and show you the rare love and tenderness in life.

I used to be immersed in my own negative and gloomy emotions all day long. I could not see anything with my blinded eyes. I had long forgotten that love is tolerance and patience, which are many words that define warmth, but they are definitely not possession by despicable means.

If I lose something and miss something, it will be lost forever. There are no ifs or miracles. I received a lot of blame, and maybe I was also burdened with a lot of unpleasant infamy, but the real pain came from the bottom of my heart. Someone kept telling me: Look, this is your retribution.

sorry.

I'm very, very sorry.