My Story

Day 1 of My Story (7/4/2024)

Don't know how to start or where to start from, but I m starting......
Today is Sunday. I thought of waking of late as I want to sleepppp🙂 but ended up waking up early... I m going through a stage where I don't know wat I m really doing or wat I want to do. Not even enjoying wat I really enjoyed doing earlier. I know nobody is going to read this that's y I m writing so that I can write wat ever I want...

Yesterday not even a single message came from him. I know mistake is also there from my side but he is not even trying to understand wat I m going through or just can't able to understand. I live in Kozhikode 9 hours far from my house just to fulfill my dreams.. I was super excited to be here to enjoy my own but it was then I realized that away from my "Home" It's just very much painful.... It's been more than a year since I came here but till now it's just hurts whenever I think of my home..
It's weird kind of emotions I m going through sometime I m too happy or I m too sad or it's a kind of mixed. Really don't know whether I m happy or sad. I want to express it to someone but when I start to explain I can't like I don't know how to tell. That's y I writing my whole thing here. I better express when I m alone through writing.

There are multiple of reasons becoz of which I m in this state maybe it's small for others but it's not for me
First thing is becoz of him. Like I feel he is not able to understand what I feel or like he is not respecting my thoughts. If I tell him directly this then he will think and think and think and just overthink wat I said , so I don't want to tell this to him. One thing that really iritates me is that he was reasons for everything. If I say no to anything he wants reason. Is there a reason to be needed to say no? That's the main reason why we have arguments. Now also a small fight is going on. Mainly I m moody these days that he is not able to understand nor trying to understand. Ahhh just leave it.... this will come to an end

Next, the second reason is that my mother... my day starts with calling my mother.. now a days when I call her in the morning without any reason she yells at me. There may be no reason but it really lowers me down... it's not very big but what ever she says now a days it's really hurts me. Maybe she may not know but yeah it hurts

The next one is my grandpa. Becoz of his condition it's one of my weaknesses. Now a days he was really sweet to me as I m not there he was asking me first from his 4 grandchilds so it's really emotional to me. He condition is little worse not becoz of any disease but becoz of aging. I know that day will come but I m not prepared for it that's y

And next one is my room. Currently shifted my room and my old roomie is not with me. New one I m comfortable with her but I just miss her. It's just that now I realized that I was dependent on her and she was dependent on me. I just don't want that gap between us it's really sucks. I didn't express it to her but she understands me very well that's what that bond is. I m really blessed to have her but I don't want to loose her🫶.... becoz u know till now I don't have any one like this in my life so I really really don't want to loose her....

I'm just  ending it here becoz I m really relaxed when I just expressed my thought here... I don't know whether I will continue or not but I feel I will...
Byeeee.