Delinquent Hearts

Chapter 1 - Renewal

Dave Chapelle once said, "Being transgender is a pretty funny situation."

I think I would've laughed at that if I wasn't transgender, because this shit sucks.

I've been out of the closet for about a year now. My mom still sometimes acts weird when I talk about it. The dysphoria hasn't gotten any better, in fact it's probably gotten worse. All I'm doing is dragging my feet to the finish line at this point. It's the second semester of senior year, but it's still the same old shit. Same shitty teachers, same people who stare at me weirdly in the hallways, same work grinding you down into the dirt. I've had more than enough at this point. I want something better. I want people around me who don't give a shit about what gender or sexuality I am. I want classes I actually care about. I want real friends.

Of course that would never happen. People can see through the hoodie and jeans that cover my imperfections. People can see through the face that I try desperately to cover up. I'm not asking for it. I'm not one of these quirky-ass bitches who get their name from their favourite niche side-character in the manga they're infatuated with. I'm a normal ass girl, in a shitty old town like everyone else. I just wish people would treat me like it.

I've got a year to do something with this life before I end up dead in a bathroom somewhere. I'm sure it'll at least be eventful. Because from the outside looking in, my life is a comedy. A constant barrage of scenarios that would make both Larry David and Alfred Hitchcock blush. But if you've lived it, you'll know that my life is a tragedy. At least this part.

Fuck, I sound so emo.

...

September 12th, 2024

Sigh.

Fourth day back to school, and it's still the same feeling. The same feeling I had all of summer break. Emptiness.

I gotta pick up my new schedule from the counselors office. Those typewriter monkey fucks screwed up everyone's schedule again. I can't wait to see through a thousand introductions and to do a couple hundred myself.

Why is that guy looking at me? Oh, I said that out loud didn't I...

"It wasn't in a derogatory way!" I yell as he quickly speedwalks away. "I- eh... whatever."

I step inside the counselor's office, my eyes met with an old, messy metal room with white papers to match the grey, dull walls. The counselor is hunched over the desk with his light brown, unkempt hair covering his eyes. I knock on the doorframe, before getting a splinter stabbed into my knuckle.

"Ow!"

"Hello?" The counselor looks up at my face.

"Hi, uh, ow... sorry... I'm here for my schedule." I sit down on the rickety plastic chair facing his desk.

"Right... Mr. Lovelace." He says as he hands me my schedule on a slightly crumpled piece of paper.

"Uh yeah, about that..."

"Yes?" He asks, seemingly confused.

"Well, I've been openly trans for a while now, so I was wondering if I could get my name and pronouns changed in the system, and the attendance?"

The counselor went silent. His hands were on his desk as he stared me down with cold, dead eyes. It was like he was looking straight into my soul. He broke his stare only to get up and close the door behind us. Shit. I start to fidget in my seat, trying to move my legs out of the desk I put them under. The counselor walks over to the corner of the room, grabbing a white sheet and yanking it off like some shitty Scooby-Doo villain reveal. Behind it is a whiteboard with some schizophrenic scribbling all over it, with lines and dots all around a bunch of pictures.