Mixed emotions

Let it go (p.1)

"I was in the car that day"

I began to tell my therapist what happened that one night.

"Go on." She said then wrote something to her notebook.

"It was night, the stars lit up the sky. I was on my way to the hill for our camping."

"Then I stopped in the front of the flower shop. I was just there."

"Why exactly?" She asked.

I felt the tears slowly falling again.

"I saw him. He's with her. I thought I was over him. But I guess it's just a dream." I said then started to cry.

He's the reason why I take these therapy sessions.

"H-he was with her, again. The one he said was just an old classmate. T-the one I'm so insecured because she's so pretty a-and I can't even blame her."

"He was there, h-holding out the door for her. Holding a boquet of tulips, m-my favorite flower."

"She smiled and laughed so nice, I bet he just told her the joke I made."

"How'd you know?" She curiously asked me again.

"Because it was our favorite flower shop, and w-we often make jokes there, because beside it was a store decorated with, for us, funny signs." I calmed down myself while telling her.

"Then the music in the radio wasn't helping. It played "driver license" by Olivia. It hit me so hard. So. frigging. h-hard." I'm doing my best not to cry so I can speak properly.

But it's so difficult

Because I can still imagine how happy he looked while laughing with the girl. How his eyes sparkled along the shiny stars. How his smile blinded me again like how he did backed then.

His frigging smile that hid his true, cheater, self.

The girl was her classmate back then. She's like a lady that went from a classic romance novel. So sophisticated, so charming, so graceful.

No doubt he fell for her.

"I accept it doctor, you know that, I've been telling you that. But I don't know.. i-it just.."

"It's okay, let it out." She said as I wasn't able to finish my sentence.

"...it still hurt so much. I accept that he deserves a girl like her. B-but I still don't understand y-you know.. Why not me?? W-why can't I deserve him??"

"I love him so much doctor. So much that I can't properly express why.."

Then the doctor hugged me. I needed that.

But I'm not done yet with my story.