I ran out of the apartment and went down the elevator, headed to a coffee shop before I go to school.
I put on my headphones and started playing Noah Kahan. He's my current music fixation.
I walked through the lobby and the doorman, Tommy, opened the door for me.
"Miss. Paulson." He said and smiled letting me through the door, "No coffee today?" He said with a small laugh.
"You would think that, but i'm actually on my way to go get some."
Every morning he would open the door for me and every one of those mornings I would be running late with a coffee in my hand. Every now and then though, I would leave early- a jumpstart to my day.
We both shared laughter, "Thank you Tommy, have a wonderful day!" I smiled at him then carried on my way.
My mom always taught me to have good manners, to treat people with kindness. I do it without even batting an eye now.
I walked down the sunny streets of New York. I love it here, it's home to me. It was morning so it was chilly, but the sun was the perfect warmth I needed. The streets were busy with people going to and from. The honking of cars, the soft somber melody of street performers, the chatter of humans. Such a beautiful time and place to live in.
I was meeting up with Emmie at a cafe that was across the street from our school.
After about 10 minutes of walking, I approached the cafe. I saw Emmie sitting down on her phone. When I walked into the cafe, the bell on the door rang which shot up Emmies attention.
"Claire! You're here!" She cheerfully approached me and wrapped me in a hug. I truly have an amazing best friend.
"I'm surprised I made it out alive today and on time" I giggled
We now stood in line to order, "i'm starving.." she said, "I think I might get a muffin and chai. What about you?"
I hummed, "Well my mom made me eat at home, so i'll just get a coffee."
Before she had time to respond it was our turn in line, "Hi! Could I please just get the double chocolate chip muffin? With a hot chai please? And what do you want?" Emmie asked.
"Oh no, Em I can pay for myself." I said and smiled
"Claire, order. I will pay." She said and rolled her eyes. I always feel the need to pay, it feels weird to have friends pay for my things. We've had this same interaction 10000 times.
"Could I just get a black coffee, hot?" I asked.
Emmie gave her card to the barista, "A black coffee? You sound like Ava Compton." She laughed.
I grew embarrassed and worried, "What about Ava?" I asked. Ava was a classmate of ours. We had biology together.
"She orders stuff like that, but she's obviously anorexic." Emmie laughed.
I froze. I knew she didn't mean any harm but that comment struck a nerve. I struggled so immensely with my eating habits, how come everyone looks right over my struggle? It's not fair. I want to be so thin. Everyone tells me I am, that i'm "normal" but that's not how I want people to see me.
I softly laughed and started wrapping my fingers around my wrist. It was an anxious tick I did.
We sat down and got our drinks and snack. Emmie started talking and I was half apart of the conversation. Majority of my brain was preoccupied on my body. My insecurities were taking over a good moment for me.
I took a sip of my coffee and laughed and responded when prompted.
Emmie stayed quiet for a moment, "Are you okay Claire?" She studied my face.
I hummed, "Yeah. just kinda in my thoughts... hey let me take a picture of our coffees. How about that?" I suggested and smiled.
I loved posting on instagram. It made me feel in control. It made me feel happy, look happy. I like to post because it hides my struggle.
I took a picture of our coffees side by side on the table.
I quickly made a post on instagram. I like posting casual and random posts, it's real and I want people to know that's what I am.
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@ clarissablakepaulson Coffee with the one and only
My account was public and I had a pretty decent following. 78.5k followers.
My mom instantly liked my post, which made me laugh. She has her notifications on for my post.
She commented: @ mssarahcatherinepaulson two peas in a pod 🫛 @ mssarahcatherinepaulson love you sweet claire
Emmie always comments dumb shit:
@ Emersonmainee moments of grace before 7 hours of torture
I laughed at all the comments flooding in. Emerson and I continued chatting for another 25 minutes before crossing the street and starting our excruciating school day.
