Hold Me Closer | Stisaac (Serendipity, Book 1)

Chapter 34

There's a place in my heart
Somehow I forgot to mention
And despite my best intention
I know that you know
There's something broken inside
And I don't know how to fix it
I've done all I can but this is the part
Where I would let you go
- Matthew Perryman Jones, 'Half Hearted Love'

"How much alcohol is there going to be?"
"Plenty?"
"How much is plenty?"
"A lot."
"How much is a lot?"
"Copious amounts."
"How much is—"
"A lake, Stiles!" Isaac exclaimed. "There will be a lake of alcohol."
Stiles smiled and nodded, satisfied, as they trudged up the steps to Lydia's apartment. "Now that's what Mama likes to hear."
Isaac retched playfully. "Oh my Christ, please never refer yourself as 'Mama' again."
"Do you like 'Daddy' better?"
Isaac paused, sighed heavily, and smacked Stiles in the back of the head before he continued walking. Stiles skipped forward and whirled around to halt him. Isaac looked at him and immediately broke out into a smile.
"Are you sure you're not drunk already? Did you sneak a three-ounce in your pocket?" Isaac asked.
Stiles grinned. "No, but brilliant idea. I'll remember that next time."
Isaac shook his head but kissed him on the cheek. He slid past him, snatched his hand in the process, and dragged him to Lydia's front door.
Lydia had all but insisted that Stiles and Isaac join her for a night of alcohol poisoning and debauchery, aware that they were not allowed to attend Jennifer's wake. Stiles would have been a fool to turn it down, and had readily accepted. Not only did he need to drink until he passed out in a bush, but he needed to do it with them. If anything was going to quell the icy flames of grief inside him, it would be those two.
Stiles stopped as they reached the door. "Are you sure Lydia won't mind?"
Isaac raised an eyebrow at him, confused. After a few seconds, realization returned his face to normal. "Of course she won't mind if Honey comes. This is about you and Jennifer, not anyone else. Besides, I know she'd love to meet her."
On the drive to the wake, Honey had insisted on seeing Stiles afterward, though she promised to attempt to convince Eric to let them join anyway. Fifteen minutes after she'd disappeared into Jennifer's — er, Eric's — house, she'd texted Stiles nothing but angry-cussing emojis, which told him all he'd needed to know.
As soon as they crossed the threshold into Lydia's apartment, she pounced on them, drawing them both into a hug so tight that it could rival a rattlesnake's kill. They'd barely sat down on the sofa before she was sliding full glasses of mixed drinks into their hands, for which Stiles was immensely grateful.
He gulped half on his drink down by the time Lydia had settled into the armchair across from them. He caught her gaze and widened his now burning eyes as he swallowed. "For the love of all that is holy, what did you put in here, Lyds?"
She sipped her own drink with a shrug. "Everything."
"Perfect."
Isaac smirked at them both and taste-tested his own beverage by dipping his tongue into it. A shocked grimace instantaneously twisted his face. He coughed. "Holy fuck. Oh, that's...Something."
"When is Honey supposed to be here?" Lydia asked.
"I'm not sure. Soon, probably," Stiles answered. "Thank you for letting her come by. And for...well, everything."
"Of course. I want to be there for you however I can. I would have gone to the funeral if I didn't think it would cause more issues with Eric...How did that go, anyway?"
Stiles and Isaac glanced at each other. Isaac slung an arm across Stiles's shoulders. Stiles stared down into this murky drink that only tasted faintly of Dr. Pepper.
"It went...I guess about as well as I expected. He doesn't want me around the family. Especially not Miles."
Lydia frowned in pity. "I'm so sorry. That's terrible."
Stiles shrugged. "I don't blame him."
"Once he sees what it does to Miles, he'll change his mind."
Stiles looked at her and smiled weakly. "I hope so."
"What is he like?"
"He's just like his mother." Stiles chuckled, a myriad of memories running through his mind like water. "Stubborn. Sarcastic. Caring. The sweetest kid in the world. When he laughs, it's like nothing else matters." He blinked away the tears stinging his eyes.
Lydia's lips tweaked up into a sad curl of a smile. "I really wish I could have met her. I hope that someday I can meet Miles. He sounds adorable." Her gaze flickered between Stiles and Isaac. "I'm so sorry for you both. You've been through so much. I still can't really believe it."
"Neither can we," Isaac said quietly.
Stiles squeezed his knee. He would have apologized, yet again, for being the cause of so much strife, but he knew that Isaac wouldn't accept it, so he tightened his lips. Isaac kissed him on the top of his head.
Lydia watched the two of them affectionately. "I'm happy that you're here, Stiles. I know you feel bad and...guilty...but you've made such a big difference in our lives. We care about you. I hope that you'll let yourself accept that eventually."
Stiles wiped a tear away and took a gulp of his drink. "I don't deserve that."
"Yes you do," Lydia and Isaac replied in unison.
Stiles shook his head. "This is supposed to be fun. We're supposed to be getting drunk. I'm sorry, I don't want to kill the mood. Let's talk about something else."
"This is about you," Lydia said. "Whatever you need. If you need to talk about what happened, we will. If you don't want to, we'll do that too."
"I just can't get it out of my head," Stiles whispered over the sudden lump in his throat. "Any of it. Chris. The blood. Isaac on the floor. Jennifer fighting..."
Isaac shifted beside Stiles with a sharp intake of breath. They hadn't yet talked in depth about everything that had happened. Stiles knew it had affected Isaac just as deeply as it had him, but Isaac seemed unwilling to divulge any of his own emotions about it. For his protection or Stiles's, he wasn't sure.
Lydia drained her drink. "It'll fade in time, I promise. It won't keep you up at night, or take over your mind in the day. You'll heal from it. Both of you will."
Isaac sniffled. Stiles turned to him. Tears streamed down Isaac's cheeks. His chest rose and fell rapidly, erratically, as if he were trying to hold it all in, force himself to be normal. Isaac met his gaze, and seemed to know that Stiles was silently asking him if he wanted to speak.
"I've never been so terrified in my life," Isaac sighed, relenting against his own pressures of silence. "Seeing you like that. Seeing you hurt. The second I saw him there, holding you against the wall, I...I couldn't see straight. It was like the world just went red. One minute, I was looking at you. The next, I was punching him. And then I wasn't there anymore. Everything went black. But I didn't feel any pain, I didn't...All that I could think about was you. Getting to you. Saving you. And then I woke up and you were—I thought you were..."
Isaac sucked in a gasp. Stiles resisted the urge to crumble in on himself, let the guilt eat him alive. He'd seen Isaac cry before; it always hurt the same. Maybe even worse, every time. Instead, he interlaced his fingers with Isaac's free hand. Isaac closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they immediately focused on Stiles. "I don't know what I w-would have done if y-you were really dead. But I-I-I thought you were and it—and it felt like I'd been blown up into pieces."
Stiles bit his lip. The pain was the only way to keep himself from utterly falling apart. Isaac moved. He pulled Stiles into him.
"Sometimes I'm still not sure you're really here. Like I'm imagining you. I go to sleep and I dream that you're still there, on the floor, dying, except you don't wake up, but I always do. I always come to and find you there, and you're not breathing and—"
Stiles grabbed Isaac's hand and pressed it to his chest, right over his heart. "Ice, I'm real. I'm alive. I'm with you right now. We're both here."
Thud. Splash.
They broke apart and looked up to see Lydia crouched over the coffee table, grimacing. She held her drink in one hand, the outside of the glass now dripping with spilled liquid, and clutched her shin in the other. Realizing she'd been spotted, she straightened.
"I'm sorry, I was just gonna grab another bottle. It seemed like you guys could use it. The table had other ideas."
Stiles and Isaac burst into laughter.
"I'm sorry, Lyds, I kind of forgot where we were for a second," Stiles said.
Lydia waved his apology away and rubbed her shin. "Don't worry about it. That was the whole point of this. You guys obviously had things you needed to get off your chest."
"Now I think all we need is to get disgustingly drunk," Isaac replied, downing the rest of his drink with a shudder. He shook his head violently. "Blech."
    A knock sounded at the front door.
    "Come in!" Lydia shouted.
    The door opened and Honey burst inside, arms full of two-liter bottles of soda and a handle of tequila. As she caught sight of the three of them, each in a different state of distress, she sucked her lips in and kicked the door shut hesitantly.
    "Christ. Looks like I got here just in time."