vampire // txt

chapter 6: pig blood

Despite the warm air of the night, a chill crawled through me. A cool breeze sending shivers down my bare legs, by bare arms. My dress was spoiled. Torn and ruined in little places that would be impossible to fix. I could hear my mother yelling at me, 'Do you know how expensive that dress was? It was a gift, you should've been more careful! Don't prance around in no shoes outside. Be more dignified, be who my daughter should be.' 

Glancing down at my feet I stare at the bit of dried blood and splotches of black from the dirt of the street. Soobin tried to give me his jacket and shoes, but I didn't stop for him to. I shoved him away and shred the bottoms of my dress and scraped my feet as I scurried through the city. I didn't even hold a single decent conversation with either of them. I acted like a crazy asylum escapee. I didn't know what else I could do. Never could I tell them the truth. And never could I have let them take me to the hospital. As sure as clock-work I would be discovered by even just a glance at my mouth. After that, they'd be questioned, locked-up, and who knows what else the Vampire Abolishment Association would do. Their world would be turned upside down. Just because of my lack of competence. I would ruin them. I would jump a thousand times if it meant keeping them away from it all.

That too-caring of a boy came at the absolute worst time. Or maybe I waited too long, maybe I am so afraid to die I prolonged it without realizing. Is it selfish of me? To want to continue living? It probably doesn't matter, I know I will die whether it's by my hand or not sooner or later. I'd rather have it by my own. For the final time at least.

I wonder where that vampire is. Was he caught? Did he go hungry again? Is he even alive? Living without another thought about the woman he dragged and consumed on a summer's Friday night. It was just another Friday night for him. 

Yes, I've thought about all of this already. For hours and days I agonized and wept. Then I felt so spent, until they took me away from the balcony. I saw their harrow, their rivers of tears as they clutched onto me.

I don't know what else I could do but say sorry. And I didn't even say that. I cried and shouted instead, alarming them to an even more shocked sight of what I had become. I was just as terrified as they were. They are afraid of losing me, but I am afraid of taking their lives away. Different, but still parallels. I don't know how I am still breathing, or able to move my body to climb up a rich yellow ginkgo tree. The branches lay low and thick, just enough so me for rest against the trunk while holding my knees into my chest. My dry knuckles created creases that lined down my hands, a white tone overflowing within my pigment.

I lost care for it anymore. The fluctuations of my body temperature and a slow numbing of my legs seemed to calm me down. It was only a few minutes ago that I heard Soobin call my name. And not just my Korean name, but my real name too. My Italian name. He called out Mi-ae and Silvia, but to no avail. I would be kept quiet in the tree above him, watching him as he walked over the verdant grass and I hoped he wouldn't hear my breathing or a twig break off. Hopefully I wouldn't pass out again and fall on top of him. How embarrassing would that be?

In the distance I heard Yeonjun too, calling for Mi-ae. But what I was really frightened of was the sirens of an ambulance and police cars. If I'm found, more than anyone could guess would be lost. There's already been enough that's been lost. Even for the members. I will not be the only one hurting. But there could be one less if I can get away and finally find peace whether at the side of a tall building or from a body so weak the soul can not endure inside of it anymore. Whatever comes first. Maybe I'm close to a river. 

They could call for Mi-ae as long and as loudly as they wanted, she would never answer. That Mi-ae doesn't exist anymore. The bark was rough and unforgiving, and my bones ached. I'm sure bruises and scratches litter my skin, hiding in the low light of the night. At least I could still smell. It was humid still, but I could sniff a freshness in the air, possibly from the health of the tree. I caught whiffs out grass and flowers, a little pocket of clarity from the usual stench of the bad city streets. I could remember other smells too. The familiar and individualistic scent of Yeonjun as he hugged me tightly. The tang of coffee in late nights passing Hype's offices, the fragrance of Soobin's cologne.