About Me - Facts and Things

Genderfluid and Pan

How do I best explain this to you guys?
Mh...
Let's begin with my situation a few weeks ago.

So, I was in that state that I didn't know..
Am I straight?
Am I lesbian?
Bi? Pan? A?
And how can I decide what sexuality I have if I am not sure with my gender?!

I was completely confused.
What I knew for sure was.
I am a biological female.
I already had crushes on boys AND girls.
And that led me to think about my past.

As a child, I didn't care much for gender.
Or gender-likely stuff.
Yes, I had a puppet and a lot of stuff for her like a baggy, bed, closet, tons of clothes.
And of course, sometimes I cared a lot for her.
But I was always more interested in Pokémon, playing outside, exploring, crashing cars, playing in the dirt and destroying things even with my Barbie horses.
From time to time I also fought some boys from school.
And yes, we punched and kicked until the other had some wounds.
You see.. I was not the "typical" girl that tried to be sweet, kind, nice.

Today, it's similar.
I am not interested in makeup until it comes to my cosplays.
Just using some basic stuff like creams and just because I have to keep my skin moisturized.
(It's very dry and gets dry easily. That hurts a lot and sometimes it is bleeding when it is too dry.)
Regarding my cosplays.. It's a good indicator.
I have female AND male cosplays.
For each convention, I try to have one of both ready. In case I don't feel comfortable as the one gender.
And when I am too annoyed by my own female body parts, I also have a chest binder.
Found out that I feel very comfortable with that on some days and will definitely buy more of them. And let me tell you that I get into a horrible rage when my body is annoying me because it feels wrong.
(If you buy some, pay attention that it is the right size! Otherwise you will damage your body! You should be able to breathe normally. And never wear it too long. Start slow with 30 to 60 minutes a day. Never wear it longer than eight hours! And plan days in the week where you are not wearing it.)
I also don't care if you call me she, he or them.
It's quite the opposite.
One day, a chat partner called me a guy and said that they wouldn't be sure if I am really a girl because I wouldn't behave like one.
And I? I was proud to be called a he!
At least that day.

So, yeah..
Someone told me to not label myself.
But I wanted an answer to who I am and what I am.
And I am living very well with what I decided.

I am genderfluid.
Sometimes I am a girl that likes to be sweet and kind.
Sometimes I am a boy who loves to punch you in the face.
Plus I am pansexuell.
I don't care for the gender of the person I am interested in.
Straight to the point: I just care if the character and body are hot.

I don't expect anyone to understand all that or to celebrate it.
Just to respect it.
Not being trans, genderfluid, lesbian, gay or what else is out there doesn't mean that you can't respect and support these persons.
In the end, we all are human.

And don't dare to play the religious card.
The holy book says that God loves ALL their children.
It doesn't say that God hates other sexualities.
And to mention another point..
The holy book doesn't say if God themself is a girl or a boy.
The second commandment already says: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image."

With that being told..
I hope it will help others that are in a similar situation.'
And that everyone respects every sexuality.
Don't judge people by appearance.
Judge them by their character.