You Weren't Supposed To See Me Like This

I Need Comfort But Won't Ask

Dazai pressed the balls of his palms in the temples.

Why was this happening?

"Are you okay?"

Was the only thing that came out of Blaise's mouth. Just a simple 'Are you okay?'

"Just peachy-"

Dazai's voice wavered in an unnerving manner, he hated this so, so much. Blaise nodded uncertain in response, "I'll catch up to you after I finish."

Now, all was left to do, was to find the ever so lurking courage to stand up in front of everyone and leave the Great Hall. This was so fucking difficult. The mere thought of people staring at him in such a rare, vulnerable stare brang chills down his neck.

It may not of been visible because of the robes, but at the moment, he was sweating elephant tears. The lukewarm air against his burning neck felt like a wave of chilling North wind gliding against burnt skin.

Dazai's limbs felt numb, a mind of their own one might say. He felt so incredibly weak and exposed in front of all these people who feared and despised him. His mouth was dry like sand paper, and the throat was clogged, sticky and warm; gurgling with each unsatisfactory breath he attemted to take.

His head was foggy, caught in a mist of misfortune.

He was in every way possible, metaphorically and physically, utterly defeated. What wouldn't he do to get out of this echoing room, full of irritating and stinging magic, full of snobby toddlers that took the look of a pre-teen, full of... everything. Opposites attract, but not in this case.

You can compare this alike an energetic extrovert and a tired, no, exhausted introvert.

To put it easy,

He wanted to die

Nothing more

Dazai took a very deep breath -getting ready- which caused the sticky, slimy substance to shift in his throat.

He couched into his sleeve, dryly, it didn't help at all.

The 'Napolean of crime' the 'Spider in the center of its web' (Sherlock reference;) coughing.

Embarrassing.

Blaise eyed him as he ate his eggs and beans on toast.

Dazai placed his hands firmly on the edge of the table, pulling himself up slightly before his knees buckled underneath the weight of the world. The brunette didn't show it and stood up, this was worse, his breathing canal constricted.

Some people around him quieted down, whispering and gossiping, about what this demon could possibly do now. Burn down the school? Stab a student, lurking behind that poor person like their shadow? Nobody even thought of the possibility of an inhumane demon feeling like shit and just wanting to kill himself.

Dazai barely looked up as he headed straight for the door, he was shaking, more like trembling. This was making his anxiety so much worse. People, idiotic creatures to be honest, always shoving their nose somewhere it doesn't belong. Annoying.

Each breath he took, was dangerously more heavy and wobbly. People, people, People!
He swallowed, and again, trying to get that panic out of his system. Luckily, the robes hung down on his small frame like an oversize hoodie.

It's quite, and loud, and muffled.

Geez, he doesn't know what's going on.

Dazai opened the Hall door with great urgency. Dazai deserved this humiliation, Dazai deserved to be punished for being so unstable, Shuji
Deserved this, didn't he? He quickly walked out and around the corner, disappearing within seconds. Is it wierd to describe that he felt like someone that just came out of anesthesia?

-

As soon as Dazai disappeared out of sight, Blaise exchanged concerned looks with Draco. After that, he turned behind him, the Weasley twins caught his glance. They look worried, horribly. At this moment, Blaise was so glad he took Dazai's knife.

After witnessing his best (friend?) In such a state, he let him be on his own for now, he would catch up soon.

-

Dazai skid through the corridors, it was like he was lacking some of the gravity. Oh God, he's being ridiculous, father and Mori would definitely be mad at him for this. But they're not here? Why is he so anxious then?

He sighed distraught, he just needed to get away from this, from all this.

A panic attack usually lasts about 5 to 20 minutes. To Dazai's calculations it's been about 15 minutes? Maybe more, maybe less. He could think properly in such a state. He was so mentally drained right now.

What was he doing wrong?

-

By the time he arrived at the gang room, he got lost twice.

Right now probably he was in that state after an anxiety attack, the one where you don't feel anything, the one where you feel like you need to tell someone but can't bring yourself to. The one where you are ready to be happy and sunshine but you're still shaking from that shock.

Maybe, if he really wanted to overdose on something, he could just really really want it and the room of requirements will give it to him? He should try.

And if it doesn't work, then he could want for a first aid to help him with wounds and there could be medicine there? At the moment, he was silent, even his steps were minimised in sound.

Osamu carefully but desperately opened the door, Egg was sleeping in her pillow nest and feather brain was in her cage.

He quickly patted himself for a knife.

Blaise took it.

Fuck

At the moment, it was 8:24. Breakfast ends in 6 minutes.

Dazai needed to hurry up of he's committed to his thoughts.

He speedily walked to his desk. He took out a bobby pin out of his hair and attempted to lock pick the cupboard. His hands were still slightly unstable, it just slipped out of his grip.

His eyes were dancing around the room, he needed to release that stress, anything, anything, just please. Osamu needed to deflate, alike a balloon, once there's too much in it. It pops. And Dazai can't breakdown here, nowhere near Hogwarts.