Hope I Never Lose You

one

My head throbbed as I threw down the papers I'd been sifting through and I rubbed my temples, my pen dangling from my hand as I yawned. The clock blinked half past twelve in the morning at me as I sighed and put my pen down too, letting my eyes slip closed for a moment. Starting up a charity as well as all of the albums I was making and everything else was exhausting, but I knew if I pushed through it, things would work out. It was hard to realize that right now, but I forced my eyes open and picked my pen back up.

"Hey." A quiet voice caught my attention a few minutes later as I kept working. I glanced up. Travis was standing in the doorway wearing only a pair of shorts and looking sleepy. 

"Hey." I sighed as he came over, sliding his hands over my shoulders and massaging gently. "I didn't mean to wake you up." I murmured as he kissed the top of my head, thumbs rubbing gentle circles over my tensed muscles. 

"I just couldn't sleep without you." Travis told me, and I smiled up at him, glad we seemed to be past the little fight we'd had earlier. "Are you coming to bed soon?"

"Yeah, in a while. I've just really got to finish this." I told him, motioning to the papers strewn out on the dining table in front of me. "I'll just be another half an hour or so, maybe a little more. There's so much to do." Travis groaned, his hands stilling on my shoulders.

"No, why don't you do this in the morning?" He sighed. "You're always up so late I never see you anymore. It's every night Taylor, and you're always out or working during the day."

"Well I'm sorry, but I've just got a lot to do. Starting a charity is a lot of work." I pointed out. "I'm just as fed up as you are."

"Yeah, sure." Travis sighed as he turned away. I blinked at him, a little hurt. Did he not know how hard I was working trying to please everyone? This was exhausting, and of all people, I thought he would understand. 

"Hey!" I stood up, dropping my pen and bracing my hands on the table. "I am doing the best I can right now, and if you don't understand that..."

"No I understand that." Travis stopped me. "Believe me I do, but it's like I don't even have a wife anymore! You're in a more committed relationship with your pen than with me!"

"So you want me to put my work on hold just so you can feel like you have a wife?" I folded my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. God, what was wrong with him? He'd been so supportive when I'd broached the subject, had even invested his own money in it. "You want me to give up on everything I'm working my ass off for right now?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying." Travis sighed as he shook his head at me. "I'm just saying it would be nice to have a conversation with you that lasted more than fifteen seconds for once. All you do when you're at home is work!"

"Do you have a problem with the fact that I'm starting a charity?" I shot at him.

"Oh don't do that, you know that's not what this is about!" His voice rose, piercing the darkened room as we stared across at each other. 

"So what is it about?" My voice rose to match his volume without me even realizing it.

"It's about you not ever having time for me at all anymore!"

"I'm doing my best! I have so much going on what with the new album and all the events on top of the charity. I'm only one person and there's only so many hours in the day!"

"Yeah, and you sure as hell don't spend any of those with me!"

Both our cheeks were flushed red in anger and I was seconds away from crying out of pure frustration. He was so out of line and I couldn't understand what his problem was. I was exhausted, and this is so not what I needed right now.

"Well you know, what, I'll just go to L.A by myself tomorrow and be out of your way, and you won't even have to deal with all the work I have to do for a couple days!" I snapped. "And maybe when I get back you will have pulled yourself together a little!"

"Pulled myself together?" Travis folded his arms. "I'm not the one who needs to realize they're unreasonable here!"

"Okay, well, if that's how you feel then I'll just get out of your hair now!" I gathered up all my pieces of paper, shoving them into a folder and clutching it to my chest. Travis blinked as I snatched up my phone and car keys and stalked to the front door.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked as I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my jacket.

"Leaving early." I said without looking over my shoulder. Stuffing my feet into the nearest pair of shoes, I turned for the door.

"It's almost one in the morning, where are you going to go?" Travis retorted. "Don't be fucking immature Taylor. Where the hell are you going?"

"I wasn't aware you gave a shit." I twisted the handle and yanked open the door. The cool night air hit me and I blinked, suddenly realizing that he was right. Where was I going to go at one in the morning?

Turning back, I grabbed my purse off the hook by the door and slung it over my shoulder. I had packed it already with everything I needed to get to L.A the next day, so I didn't have to worry. My gaze caught Travis when I moved, and I hesitated, unsure. We stared at each other for a long minute, neither of us backing down. Did I really want to walk out? It was just a stupid fight, one of many we'd been having over the last few months, but I knew we could probably just talk this over and work it out. Married couples fought, that's just how it worked. 

I was about to turn back, to ask him to talk to me, when he spoke first.

"You know, if you stayed in L.A an extra couple days, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." Travis said, and my breath caught in my throat. Well, if that's how he wanted it to be. 

Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away, turning for the door and letting it slam behind me once I'd walked out. I walked quickly to my car, throwing my things on the passenger seat and jamming the key in. Tears starting to slide down my cheeks, I turned the car on and drove away.