Thirty: "𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚."

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"If there is going to be change, real change, it will have to work its way from the bottom up, from the people themselves. That's how change happens."

- Howard Zinn

- Howard Zinn

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"Stupid."

"Careless."

"Beaut- idiotic love of my life..." I mumble in short whispers, draping the blanket over the space-needing hunk of my man. He, idiotically and carelessly, decided to sleep on the couch, without the heater on. First, he can barely fit on there. Second, he's only in his boxers.

He can be so dumb sometimes.

I stroke his open hair after making sure he's tucked into the woolen blanket. A pout ends up on my face as the thoughts of the self-conflict, worry and feelings of disappointment that he must be trying so hard to keep inside. I really want to scream that Emily would've forgiven him.

I spent the entire night blaming myself, even though I knew it was irrational.

If I hadn't told him, he wouldn't have broke the promise or gotten himself into so much trouble. if I hadn't told him, Dalaric would not have needed space. But if there's anything, apart from the other million things, that I've learnt from my time with the love of my life, it's that I matter too. And I know that's what he would say.

If he was awake, and I wasn't staring creepily at him jutted lips. One kiss wouldn't...

Bad Maya. Think innocent thoughts. You creeper.

Sighing, I give him a forehead kissie before walking towards the kitchen. I'm planning on making dinner today, something I'm not very good at.

Safe to say Dalaric is the handy one. He also fills the dishwasher so quickly. It takes me four songs, three catch games with kipp and seven pouts to get one load done.

I search the cabinets for any ingredients that I have to get from the store after my shift at the café.

Setting some painkillers, a bowl of warm soup, three glasses of water and a small teddy bear shaped chocolate onto a tray, I place it on the dining table along with a note saying 'I love you. Please eat. Will be very angry (might ugly cry) if you don't.' with a tiny smiley face sticker on the end.

As anyone can tell, I really don't know what space means. I thought he meant the bed got too small for him. He did grow a centimeter the last time we checked our heights and updated our markings on the bedroom wall. Mm.

Is space what Mama wanted? The long nights, even weeks, I was left alone and scared. Was that her needing space away from me?

Why does everyone need space? I frown as I wait by the driveway for Fatima, regretting not googling it last night. It's still pretty early as I scare away one of the birds. There's a trail, opposite to our house, that leads us up to the city in just five to ten minutes. Dalaric forced me to jog with him but ended up carrying the whole way back. We got ice-cream on the way too.

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