Prologue
I'm sitting here watching Pretty Little Liars, staring at how gorgeous Lucy Hale is and wishing I had her hair and more specifically her body but I don’t and then I think of how much I slipped yesterday and how many calories I managed to consume within a few hours.
Overview
Lying and pretending to be fine is all-apart of this illness and trust me when I say I know. Bones are suppose to be clean and pure but mine aren’t they are tainted with mistakes I’ve made in my past and can’t escape as much as I want to. Half living a life is what I seem to be doing these days, I strive to become more perfect as I’m not good enough for anyone and only I seem to know just how much I work I need to do. So yes I exercise a bit too much and yes I do only have one meal a day but its what I’m use to and as such to me its now normal.
I am an only child and live with my mother, the pressure she puts on me is enormous and my only release use to be gymnastics, something that I am completely and utterly in love with. I use to live for the nights when I had training with girls and coaches that became my second family, competing on weekends would be highlights of my week and I pretty much slept, breathe and ate gymnastics. Then I began to have to cut down my hours due to school and slowly the security that gym brought me began to fade as did my eating habits and then at the end of last year I knew I had to stop as it was beginning to get unsafe for me to throw skills and tricks that where leaving me dizzy and nauseous. My mother had no idea of why I stopped apart from being really happy and had no idea I actually had a problem until the school called her in and told her that I had to see a doctor and get help.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
