To Eternity and Back

Chapter 6

I was right when I said it was going to be a long night.

First of all, I allowed Belladonna to take a shower before me because it would be bad etiquette if I didn't take care of my guest first.

The thing was that she took a really long shower – almost an hour – and I had to dry her hair since she didn't know how to. This made my schedule go to ruins because I was planning to take a 30 minute shower to relax before bed but now I have to cut it down to 15 minutes instead.

Second, I had to give Belladonna some of my own clothes since she also didn't bring luggage.

She's rather tall for a woman – around 5'6 – so my sweatshirt and pants didn't fit baggy on her since I'm only 5'10. She seemed very happy about it when I handed her my clothes; she practically ran to the bathroom. She told me my clothes are comfortable so that's why she was excited but I don't think I ever gave her my clothes in the previous years.

I could be forgetting so I didn't dwell on it much.

And third, it took me at least 10–15 minutes to convince Belladonna to sleep on the bed while I slept on the couch in the living room.

She looked sad and confused and repeatedly asked me why we couldn't sleep together. Of course, I told her that it's not appropriate for a man and a woman who aren't in a relationship to sleep on the same bed but either Belladonna is clueless about that or she doesn't care.

At first, I concluded it was the latter because for a single moment, she looked angry and muttered something under her breath before her usual happy smile came back. She then said she didn't know that and accepted it, saying she'll sleep alone on the bed. I don't know if that angry look she momentarily had was a figment of my imagination but seeing how she continued to act her usual energetic self, I figured it probably was.

By the time I took a hot shower, changed clothes, dried my hair, and all the other stuff people do to get ready for bed, it was 2:25 AM.

To summarize, I'm only going to have around 4 hours of sleep since I have to wake up at 6 AM. Like I always do.

I laid down on the couch, which was more comfortable than I thought, and pulled a blanket over me as I stared up at the high ceiling.

I stayed like that for a few minutes but it was apparent that I couldn't go to sleep. Maybe it was because it was hectic just a few moments earlier and it made me forget my fatigue, but if I don't rest now, it's going to hit me like a truck in the morning.

Not to mention, it'll ruin all of my plans as well.

I closed my eyes and turned to my side to be more comfortable but it didn't work; I'm still fully awake at 2:34 AM.

At this point, I'm annoyed and frustrated. I sat up and got up from the couch, trying to remember where I put my sleeping pills of Lunesta.

Oh right, in my duffel bag... which is in the bedroom.

I don't want to disturb Belladonna's sleep but I need those sleeping pills. I am searching for healthier alternatives because I don't want to become addicted and depend on them for sleep, but I see no other way at the moment.

I ended up sneaking inside and thankfully, Belladonna seemed to be in a deep sleep because she didn't move an inch when I accidentally closed the bedroom's door louder than I intended. I searched left and right for my bag in the room, which was not easy because it was dark and the only source of light was the city's lights and moon's shine through the balcony.

I was feeling the soft carpet's floor until I felt firm material on my fingertips. I grabbed the strap of the duffel bag and snuck back out until I was finally back in the living room.

Again, because it was dark and I didn't bother turning on the lights, it took me even more time to find the small bottle of tablets. When I did, I didn't count how many pills I put on my hand and swallowed them as I have

But it worked because after the half hour passed, I fell fast asleep like I didn't have a care in the world.

**

"Akira? Akira, wake up. It's almost 11 AM already."

I felt hands slightly shaking my arm to wake me up and a soft voice close to my face, almost like a mother trying to wake up their child.

Of course, I know my mother would never do that so I know it's not her.

The hands shook my arm again and the voice returned too. "Akira, please wake up. You shouldn't oversleep."

"Just five more minutes," I groaned. I covered my face with my free arm and tried to go back to sleep before something clicked in my mind.

I immediately sat up and looked around. The living room's lights were on and Belladonna was kneeling next to the couch with a surprised expression and in the same clothes she wore yesterday.

"Belladonna, did you say it's almost 11 AM?" I asked, hoping I heard wrong.

My mind is drowsy at the moment so perhaps I did hear wrong–

"Yes, I did say that."

I stayed still at her answer before I rubbed my forehead in frustration and sighed.

I can't believe I overslept past my alarm.

"Why didn't you wake me up when my alarm rung?"

Belladonna fiddling with a piece of her hair looked up at me, a bit of guilt in her expression.

"I did try to, but you wouldn't wake, no matter what I did. You also seemed so peaceful asleep so I let you be."

I listened to her as I scratched the back of my head and yawned. I feel so tired, despite sleeping for more than I should've and my breathing is more slow, more heavy. It's like all the energy and will in my body was sucked out until there was nothing left.

That's odd, especially since I never feel this excessively tired in the morning.

I clumsily fell off the couch and went to the coffee table, where I left my bottle of Lunesta. I grabbed it and popped the cap open and looked inside. I distinctly remembered that I had 10 tablets inside, but there's only 7 left.

I stared down at the inside of the bottle before I put the cap back on, then opened it back up.

So I'm not hallucinating.

It's not just because the number of tablets left is an odd number – which bothered me greatly – but because this means I overdosed myself on Lunesta.

Which remind you, is the strongest sleeping pills.

I don't use foul language on a regular basis but...

"Fuck."

**

I almost fell asleep 4 times while getting ready to go to the auditorium and 2 times on my way there. The driver had to even open the back door and shake me awake to tell me we arrived.

In the end, I had to cancel the concert. Everyone took one look at me and decided that I'm in no condition to play. I'm going to catch hell from my mother but I have no other choice.

I take pride in my music and believe that quality and execution of my performance is more important than personal feelings and comfort. So even though I want to perform, I'd rather play another day than become a fool in front of the audience. Especially Yuki. God, if I ended up performing tonight, she would know how clumsy and stupid I am. This is definitely the most responsible decision. However, I wish I knew a way to contact her to let her know the changes and that we won't be seeing each other tonight. Maybe I should have asked for her phone number.

When I arrived back at my suite – almost tripping over myself on the way – I immediately went to the bedroom and laid down without changing. I managed to book a free room for Belladonna at another hotel so I'm currently alone in my room. Again. No, this is better. This way, I can rest comfortably and with no stress.

So despite the gaping hole of loneliness expanding in my heart and the sun high up in the sky, I closed my eyes and let the silence drift me to sleep.