The World Between Us

3. Connection

She was looking at him as if he were a dream come true, a wish granted beyond all hope. Who was this girl, he wondered, who defied every mortal definition of Faerie? Who was this girl who hid in the shadows from her own family? She had everything he had dreamed of and yet... Yet she was unhappy. He could see it in her eyes, that fear. A fear of not being recognised, not being accepted for who you were. In some strange ironic way, they were mirrors.
She was still looking at him like he was her own personal miracle.
" Oh! " She explained. " Oh! "
" Lost for words ?" He asked her with a smile.
" I'm... Well I'm waiting for you to disappear. Or for this to be a joke. " She admitted shyly, almost as if she was afraid of voicing out her feelings.
" Trust me, I feel the same way, " He told her.
" Really? " A curious expression crossed her face. " What's your name? "
" Is that really necessary for you to know? " He couldn't tell her who he was, of course. Even mortal imagination had limits.
" It would make all of this seem more real. Like I would be convinced this moment is really happening , " She said.
For the first time since coming here, he wanted to tell someone the truth. He wanted to tell her his story, to have someone understand what he was going through. But he was just as wary of trusting her as she was of trusting him. Faerie had taught him that the hard way.
"If you're starting with the personal questions, I'm going, " He said and made to move away.
She turned red with embarrassment. "I am not that desperate for companionship, " She said in an offended tone. He shrugged unapologetically and continued forward.
"Okay fine maybe I am, " Her voice called behind him. "You're the first person who ever... "
Something in her tone made him pause.
"What? " He asked
" I don't know , " She continued. " Have you ever felt that? The feeling when you look at a person and you just... You just feel like you know them. You don't know how and when and why, you just do. It's weird but it feels so... so beautiful. Like finally here's something where you'll fit in. Perfectly. "
He was the one with no home, no family. He was the one who had survived years in Faerie. He, of all people should know the illusion that was fairytales, soulmates. Yet her words touched a place deep inside him, a place that wanted to belong, wanted one person here to recognise him, love him, accept him.
"Deja vu. Deja su. Deja vecu, " He whispered. Already seen. Already known. Already lived. (1)
" Yeah, exactly, " She nodded eagerly. " That feeling of connection... It's so... So supreme, so... I've never felt anything like it before. "
She stopped, suddenly, seeming to realise something. "Wait! What you said earlier....that's from... "
"We do have books where I come from, you know , " He almost said Faerie, but stopped himself just in time. For all her talk of connection, she was mortal. And mortals had never understood Faerie. Never.
She stared at him , speechless for a second. Then she did a strange thing. She placed a hand over her throat, her fingers skimming her pulse.
" Do you feel it? That connection? " She whispered, almost as if she were afraid his answer would be negative.
A mortal girl hiding in the shadows and a Faerie changeling, connected, bound. The idea was so ridiculous, it would have been the subject of a good joke in Faerie, one that would have kept the Folk laughing for days. But he couldn't deny it anymore. The first time she had uttered the word Faerie, he had felt a thrill go through him. Here is someone who might listen, here is someone who understands, he had thought. And when she had started to walk away, he had known he couldn't let her go. A connection he couldn't deny, he realised.  So he mirrored her gesture. " I felt it too, " He whispered back.
At that her eyes filled with tears. " I never imagined... I had given up all hope... " She stumbled as if she couldn't find words to convey what she felt.
He was surprised. He had expected joy, wonder. He hadn't expected her to be grateful. As if he were a blessing bestowed by God.
" Is it so rare, to find companionship, that you resort to the shadows for conversation? "
He didn't mean it as a joke. He was genuinely curious. Mortals were social creatures. They couldn't survive an hour without company. They always had someone they simply had to talk to. Even if it was stupid things like discussing the weather.
" You have no idea, " She sighed, as if she had explained this a thousand times and the person in front of her had still not understood.
" Tell me, " He said. He wanted to know, he realised. He wanted to know what made this girl tick. Why she was different, what made her love the shadowy corners, books and Faerie. " What are you afraid of? " He asked her.
" Me, " She whispered. " I'm afraid of me."
He wanted to laugh. A Faerie changeling stood in front of her and she was afraid of herself? " Why? " He asked.
" It's just... Whatever I say or do it turns out to be wrong. I try so hard to learn from my mistakes, but every time I end up making the wrong decision. It's like.... This is going to sound ridiculous, but I feel I'm always cursed to do the wrong thing, " She confessed.
It was ridiculous all right. But it explained a lot of things.
" You would give anything, wouldn't you, to belong there? " He guessed, pointing at all the happy smiling people surrounding them. " You want to be among them, laugh and smile with them, be a part of their world. "
" Yes, " She sighed. " Oh, how I wish I was like them! "
" You are like them, " He said, confused. They were her family, after all. How could she not be like them?
" No, I'm not, " She said vehemently. " I've always been different. "
Different? What was she talking about? She was mortal, that much he could tell for sure. Then what made her different.
" You're wrong, " He said. " You're just like them. "
She laughed sadly, in a way that said what do you know of my suffering. He felt a sudden pang, remembering his own sorrow.
" Different how? " He asked again, gently.
She was looking at the night sky, her mind far away. When she spoke, her voice was so low, he wondered if he was meant to hear them.
" People scare me. I can't start a conversation to save my life. Anytime some problem occurs, I just freeze. I don't know what to say to people to make them like me. I don't know how to be a funny, amazing sister, don't know how to be a dutiful daughter and granddaughter. Kids freak me out. I don't know how to handle them. I'm bad at all the things they are good at. I hate the things they enjoy. I've known these people my whole life, yet I don't understand them. I've tried so hard to be like them. But it always ends in me being miserable. It ends with me hiding in the shadows, wishing for someone who... " She cut off, as if that was all she could manage.
He didn't know what to say. Faeries were super honest, considering the fact that they couldn't lie, but this.... This was something else. The story of a girl who had tried so hard to belong. Even miserable, she still wanted to belong. Still loved that which made her unhappy because she wanted to see others happy. So like him, he thought. Both looking to belong someplace they didn't.
" Do you ever think you'll fit in? " He asked her. The real question he wanted to ask hidden in it, " Do you think I will fit in your world. "
" I like to think that one day, I will. That this will all have been a difficult ordeal that I will overcome and I'll finally be happy. But that's too good to be true, isn't it? "
" Like fairytales, " He said.
" Yes, " She said. " And I think we both can agree they are overrated. "
True, that. He laughed. He realised then that his earlier dream of meeting his family, being loved and accepted was just a foolish hope. A fairytale. But meeting this girl, that was his story. The story of a Faerie changeling who found his mirror in a mortal girl. The story of two people who could never belong.
" Then let's write a new story, " He said, smiling at her. " The story of a girl whose heart no one knew. Of a boy wreathed in the shadows of mystery. And of the connection they felt. "
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A/N : Quotes in this chapter are taken from the following books -
(1) - The Invisible Life Of Addie LaRue
        ( V. E. Schwab)