Haphephobia (School Bus Graveyard X Reader)

Frist Day Jitters

(episode 3-6)

~2 weeks ago~

~2 weeks ago~

It was a bright morning, I was on the carpet of the living room making sure I had everything I needed for the first day of school. The living room wasn't anything special, a room connected to the kitchen with carpet flooring. Most of the bigger furniture had already moved in here by the time I was introduced to this house, I was still not fully used to the change and my body language was obvious. "OK so I'll be leaving for work starting next week, you're going to have to be in charge of dinner some weeks when I leave for the afternoon shifts starting when you should be back home. Do you have everything you need?" Aster came down the living room talking up a storm, he always does so when he's nervous, he could have been more anxious than me today and he already finished school a few years ago.

"Pencils?"

"Check"

"Notebooks"

"Got one for every class"

"Outfit?"

I stood up and waved my hands to show my outfits. I felt quite proud of myself for finding something stylish and something I felt comfortable in. Finding something of both was hard to find since I usually want my skin to be covered whenever I go in public. It was hard to do in the summer heat, but luckily I found some thin sweaters.

"You look like a theater kid going to practice in the snow, I can't let you go out like that." Aster said sternly, looking over my outfit in disapproval. "You think as my brother you would want me to cover up?"

"Not in this heat, you're going to faint." He let out a sign and started to move back up the stairs. "Where are you going?!" "I'm going to find something decent for you. " He yelled back. I let out a sigh and flopped on the couch. My brother has been trying his hardest to give me a normal teenage life, I have already given up on that possibility back in middle school. I looked over at my backpack and started to look through a different pocket that held some strange stories.

Bandages, lotion, and an EpiPen in case I break out in hives and it gets really bad, I felt my breathing hitch as I looked in my bag. I didn't want to go to school, all those new people, all those possibilities. What if something bad happens, what if it starts again? I felt my chest growing tight as I moved my arms around each other. I didn't like this feeling, it was terrible, I was scared. I felt a pain in my arms as my nails dug into my skin. Still, I didn't do anything about it, I kept my gaze on my backpack as a way to not spiral more.

I can hear the beating of my heart, is it supposed to go that fast? This feeling is normal, right? No, it's not or else I wouldn't need these things I....

"(Y/n)...(Y/n)! Oh god, what happened? I was only gone for a bit, can you hear me!"

I heard Aster's voice, I didn't see him though I didn't move my gaze from the bag, I slowly nodded my head, I was struggling to breathe. Did the room always feel so small? "(Y/n) is it ok for me to touch you?" I shook my head, I felt my arms stinging yet it couldn't take me out of distress, I tried taking deep breaths. "You're going to be ok, you're safe, nothing bad is happening, you're having anxiety...it's going to be alright.." His voice was slow and gentle, I tried to listen to him, to ground myself in his voice. My brother kept talking to me, helping me calm down and wait this out eventually I did. I didn't know how long I was in my state, I just knew I was tired, yet I couldn't make myself look up at my brother. There was some sort of guilt that came after every attack that always kept me from calming down completely.

"I'll get the bandages..." His voice rang out again when he felt like I could be left on my own for a few minutes. I looked down at my arms, they were red and scratched up. My nails managed to scratch my skin causing some bleeding. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't open up prevised wounds from times before. I looked down at my hands, they were trembling with bits of red blood on the tips. Although it wasn't much, I didn't look like I came out of a horror movie with how much I spread on my arms.