SCARS

Chapter 20

I did my tuition classes and ran home as Noah was gonna pick me up.

I begged to god, my mother and Emma shouldn't be home.

Pls god...save my ass.

I reached home and there my mother was.

This is why I am atheist.

"Uhm.. m-mother." I said taking my hands behind my back.

"Sarah? Me and Emma are going to Paris with Chris's family. Will be back after a week or so.."

"Uh-ok.." I nodded.

They never invited me to go anywhere so it's not that sad for me anymore. I m used to being alone, whether they are here or not.

"I dont want any problems!" She sternly said as I nodded. "Emma changed the lockers password."

"Why mamma? We are going only for a week aren't we?" Emma lazily said.

"Yes but it's not safe u know....there are some useless people living here, who can steal things and run away with it." Mother said looking at me with disgust. With that I left to my room so my tears wont fall.

I m okay. It's not like she said this for the first time. I am used to such comments. I am used to this hatred. I really am.

It's just that my stupid naive heart isn't. It breaks again and again and again with those words. No matter how much it tries to heal, it ends up shattering again.

Because it still has hopes, it still believes that everyone will change. It still believes that her mother will change.

How naive, how worthless it is.

No matter how much I try to be strong, how much I try to cling to the thought of me deserving such words. I end up crying. I end up flowing these pathetic things called tears.

I heard the door slam. They left. Again.

Leaving me alone with those heart
shattering words, With these tears, with this naive shattered heart.

No matter how much I cling to the thought that I m never gonna be loved. I will again try to mend my heart. I know I will, just for it to shatter again.

I hate being so naive. I hate being so unloved. I hate being hated. I hate being me. I hate myself.

I heard the door knock. It must be Noah. I wiped my tears, went to bathroom and washed my face so that he wont notice.

I dont want him to know how pathetically naive I m, I don't want him to hate me too.

I hate the thought of him hating me. He is the only person who talks to me nicely and I cant lose him.

No matter how much I m hurt I will keep this facade on. This happy facade, no matter how much I suffer, I will keep smiling. I wont let this facade fall

I opened the door.

"Hey." I smiled a welcome smile.

"Hey, uhm...are u alright?"

"Uh..yeah what will happen to me anyways." I chuckled awkwardly and he gave me a questioning look.

I am used to doing this, I m used to make people believe that I am okay, I can do it again..I can.

"Are you....sure?" He said analysing me.

"Yeah..yup yeah absolutely great." I gave a big smile, bending my arms to show my muscle so that he believes.

" Uhm...okay let's go." He said still looking at me not buying it.

I locked the door and ran out of the house to ignore the question. I sat in the passenger seat and he sat in the drivers seat. Obviously.