Combustion

nebula: three

"So... slightly awkward question..." Aaron would get used to me saying that. "Do I need to get you a present for tomorrow?" As per usual, I had more than my daily fill of cringing before the first bell had even rung. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

 Aaron looked at me and gave me a hopefully genuine smile. He pretended like my sentences came out in the order they should have: statement, then question. 

 Aaron always seemed too cool to be that nice, and for a long time, I was taken aback by him. Then, I realized he was so cool that he didn't have to worry about being too nice. Even I, the Florida Freak (don't worry, nobody called me that except me and my love for alliteration) could not put a dent in Aaron's cool guy reputation. He should have been untouchable, but he wasn't, and that only boosted his status.

"Thanks, and no. You don't have to get me anything."

I nodded, glad, because I wouldn't know what to get him considering that I'd known him all of four days. I had a feeling that tomorrow's party would be pretty awkward, but I was more or less used to that. At the time I was still cautious about this party, because it seemed highly unusual to invite someone you had just met to a fifteenth birthday. Especially when Aaron had only invited his closest friends and when the new initiate is me. I think I'd already had a nightmare at this point that the party was a cover for hazing and I would leave totally mortified. Like I said, I didn't know how nice Aaron was.

Another question surfaced into my mind, and a new panic began to set in. Again, I turned toward Aaron who raised an eyebrow at my spastic movements. "But is everyone else bringing a gift? I don't want to be that one person who doesn't have anything while everyone else has a present."

Aaron shook his head, "Dude, lighten up. It's not a big deal. Seriously, I wouldn't have invited you if I knew you would stress out this much." I did feel pretty stupid for worrying about this so much, but I couldn't stop feeling nervous about simple things.

"I just don't want to be the odd person out."

"Is there something wrong with standing out?"

I blinked, not having an immediate response. "In general, no. But for some things, this included, standing out is no bueno." Why did I say that in Spanish?  

"See? See how the Spanish just stands out and is all awkward and you paid it more attention than you should have even though it's just another word who probably doesn't want to be stared at and judged? I don't want to be a Spanish word, Aaron!"

I've tried to work on balancing between saying embarrassingly little and awkwardly too much, but I haven't found my center yet. I've been working on this for probably half of my existence, and it's still a work in progress. I was just really glad that you were almost late to that class every single day, because there is so much content that you could have used against me.

Aaron laughed at me, but it was in a nice way, as per usual. "You're funny, John."

"When you say that, do you mean really uncommonly weird?"

"In the best goddamn way," he admitted. I guess I felt better knowing that I was weird in a good way? But I was still weird, and I'm not sure I wanted to be that.

"Why don't you write me a poem, Mr. I-want-to-write," Aaron continued before laughing and shaking his head. "I'm kidding. Don't do that. That would be weird in not the best way, and then we will look at you like you're a Spanish word."

I groaned. "Thanks for the heads up." But the gears in my head were whirring, because although Aaron had meant it as a joke, I did get an idea for a present. It was, however, a gag gift, but it was better than showing up empty handed.

"Relax," he told me again. I tried, but I'm almost always on some sort of edge. I doubted that the panic would die down until after the party ended.Then, I'd find something new to worry about. It's a cycle that I've pretty much gotten used to. Not a big deal.

At this point, there were thirty seconds until the bell rang, and you made your usual appearance. You bolted through the door and bee-lined to your seat, letting out a breathless, "Hey," that almost got lost in the ringing bell."Happy Birthday, Aaron," you told him, seconds before Mr. Russel started teaching. It was really impeccable timing, and it was all so natural for you. You would enter the room breathless, but I would leave that way. It would be because of you.

Every day you would show up almost tardy. You would take your seat in front of me. Your brown hair would spill down your back, and it would look windblown, even in the stuffy classroom. You had hair that was as wild as you were. The kind of curly that most girls would straighten, but that would take too much time. Patience didn't suit you, but your hair did.

You didn't dress up either. You always looked like you were the first thing you pulled out of your closet, but it all matched anyways. Simple, yet extraordinary. Mostly the latter.

It's hard to say when I started loving you. Maybe I always had, and I just never realized it. I didn't think I was in love the first day or the next day or the day after that, but one day I realized that I did love you. Then, it became difficult to not notice.

You were a lightning bolt- always thrumming with some sort of charge. Always storming up new ideas, conjuring up something electric. You would do things as soon as they materialized. You were fast and brilliant and terrifying, and loving you was much the same way. You had the type of personality that could crack the sky in half and paint the horizon purple. You would say something in class, and I'd be shaken down the core. I could see you behind my eyelids. I could feel your currents riding through my bones, begging me to do something remarkable, to be a storm in this quiet world. You were like an elusive thunderbolt, and I was the photographer praying to get a snapshot of your beautiful rampage. It was impossible to jump out of your path.

In a way, you were better than lightning, because you were there even when it wasn't storming. Eventually, I was begging for you to strike me down.

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yay for nanowrimo. now i have to figure out what i want to happen from here on out???