Your love, my suffering

|1| The First Day

Ivan Kane

I stand in front of the mirror in my room, observing my new school uniform. It looks elegant, black pants and red button up shirt with a black suit on top of it. Everything perfectly ironed, not a single flaw on it. It has the school's logo under the collar. It looks far too professional and it's making me hate it. I was never the one to act professional, to be "elite". Not the way my parents always wanted me to be.

My father is a wealthy lawyer and runs a business with cars. He is a well known and respected man, he works on many cases that the others would turn down immediately. But he doesn't, he has a lot of patience. Until it comes to me, that is.

And my mother is also a famous woman. She is an actress, always out for work. She's barely home. She spends most of her time traveling around the world with her fellow actors and directors who always take her to play the main characters. Because she's beautiful and acts very well, too. I don't remember the last time she stayed home for the weekend.

They always expect the best from me while I really only do the worst. I never cared about the education they are trying so much to give me. I had tutors, I was going to catholic school and the only thing that did was for me to be detached from them even more.

I feel like I don't control my own life. Like they are everywhere even if they're not present. They somehow control my decisions. Or at least they try to. That's why I rebel as much as I do, doing everything just to make them realize I am not the perfect son they always wished to have. Not the perfect reality of their image, of their delusions.

Somehow, it still doesn't work.

"We're leaving, move your ass!" I hear my father's voice from downstairs and all I can do is frown or roll my eyes at that and go down anyway.

I take one last look at the new outfit I'm forced to wear every day, reminding me of how much my life is out of my hands.

"Ivan, I swear to God, if you're not here immediately, I'll give you a fucking reason to hide in your room!"

I grab my bag and go down the stairs, giving my father an offended look. He is a big man, having some muscles, but also a beer belly. We could be hot without it, but like this, he looks like a classic father. He towers over me because I have my mother's genes, which makes me quite a small guy. I still have around 5'10", but my father is still almost eight inches taller than me.

As we're leaving our house, I can't help the feeling of nervousness. Of the loss of my comfort zone.

It's only heightened when I'm sitting on the front seat next to my father. I look out of the window, hoping that something would come up and we would be forced to stop. But of course, that doesn't happen. Instead, I hear my father's voice.

"I want you to understand that me and your mother decided for this so that you can get the best possible education. And I think it's time to appreciate it at least a little bit," my father says and looks my way for a moment before he has to look back on the road.

I scoff and shake my head slightly. Again with the talks about me being ungrateful, about me not caring enough for the family reputation. These talks always make me tired.

"You do this for yourself, not for us," the man adds and I roll my eyes. If that was true, they wouldn't force me into things that only really benefit *them*.
"And I hope you can finally find a girlfriend. You would look better with a nice woman next to you."

"What if I don't want a girlfriend?" I ask, meaning to provoke my father. But it also holds some truth in it as I'm really not looking for a relationship at the moment.