You saved eachother

For you to find out.

Some days I wake up and I don't feel anything, not happiness, not sadness, not anger, nothing. I'd gotten so good at shoving my emotions down that the ones I actually had just sort of, left. I grew numb. The only thing that truly made me happy was music and writing songs. The dark brown leather journal that sat under my mattress was my only way of exhaling. All of the trauma and hurt that had been handed to me on a silver platter ended up in there.

That journal has been with me for years. I had it when I first realized that I didn't only like girls, but boys too and when my parents had pulled my sister and I into the kitchen and told us they were getting a divorce. It was there for me when no one else was. You could say that it's pretty sad that an inanimate object is my quote, "Only support system" but quite frankly, I don't need anything else.

I traveled over to the bathroom for my nightly conversation with my thoughts whilst sat at the bottom of my shower. The luke warm water dripped down my bare back while 1950 by King Princess played in the background. My eyes trailed over to the razor that was sat on the floor near my knee, I stared at it for a minute before picking it apart, leaving only the blade in my palm. I faintly heard my name being called from downstairs but blocked it out.

I picked the blade up, set the corner on my arm and began to pull it towards me. I winced at the pain but continued, beginning to become unaware of the shouting of my name that had grown closer. I began a second line before hearing a knock on the door.

"Uhm- uh, I'm showering!" I yelled before quickly trying to wash off the red that had filled my wrist.

The door slid open and in came my mother with a laundry bin. I went to shoo her away when I noticed the small droplets of red that had landed on the floor and from her reaction, she did too.

"Harry! Oh my god what happened?" She shouted flinging the curtain open

I didn't know whether to cover myself or my cuts so I sort of just stood there in a puddle of my own watered down blood with my eyes locked on my mothers. She had caught me like this once before but that was back in freshman year so around 2 years ago. Her eyes began filling with tears as she handed me a towel and gestured for me to take a seat on the toilet. I wrapped it around my waist and took a bunch of paper towel and dabbed it on the cuts.

"Harry...darling what's going on? Why are you doing this again?" She looked at the cuts and took my hand

"d'know...just stressed I guess" I mumbled

I hated confrontation.

"That's not a reason Harry" She said with a tiny scold

I looked at her then looked back down at the red colored towel and began to cry. She grabbed my head and pulled it into her chest as a way to calm me down.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" I pleaded

She rubbed my head and ran her fingers through my curls.

"No, no, no baby it's ok we're gonna get you some help" She spoke softly

help.

-

The white snow fell from the sky and the leaves that remained on the trees began to snap. The skyline filled with a tint of red and orange as we grew closer and closer to the hospital. Starting today, I was going to have a whole new life away from my family. Today was the day I was being officially admitted into the hospital, a place I would soon grow very accustomed to.

As I am a minor I'm technically being admitted into the children's hospital but the wing that I'm going to be in is at the main building itself. When I was first being evaluated I was asked If I wanted to be placed in a single room or in the "group home" in which I chose the group setting. The "group home" was basically just a side of the hospital that was made into sort of like a college dorm building, you know with like hallways filled with single rooms and a pool table and dart board around the corner.