Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter 6

Warnings: Suicidal Ideation

I look up to see the scientist and he's grinning. What the hell happened? He's staring at something on the floor and I look to see blood coming towards my feet. I look a little forward and that's when I see her. Blood seeps from every part of her. Nose, mouth, wrists... chest. I see the knife embedded in her sternum and right there I die. I stopped living in that moment and I knew what I had done.

"Once a monster. Always a monster." The scientist laughed. I couldn't even process what was going on. I wanted to kill him but I was frozen. I wanted to touch her but my hands would only do more damage. The love of my life laid dead in front of me. Before I knew what was happening darkness overcame me.

I woke up on the quinjet. For a second I forgot what happened. I forget y/n was dead. I forgot all of it and I was not hurting for a split second. I opened my eyes and I saw her. Laying beside me, lifeless or almost lifeless. Nat sat next to her holding the knife in place and Steve wrapped bandages on her wrists. Holding the wounds tight but blood still rain down the cracks of his fingers

I cried. I couldn't help but look at her face and just watch her. Begging god that she would look back at me. I promised her forever and I killed her. I promised her I would never leave her. I reached out for her face but I hesitated. Tears clouding my eyes.

"You don't have to look at this Bucky" Steve said.

"The co-pilot seat is open you can go-"

"I can't leave her. I promised I would never leave her..." I couldn't even bring myself to sit up. I rolled on my back and reached for her hand. I put my hand on top of her cold one and closed my eyes. This was it. This is what I deserved.

After the long flight back home I couldn't do it anymore. Steve tried to tell me she was still breathing but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't feel the steady beat of her heart. I held her hand and Nat looked at me.

"You need to let her go. This may be the last time you see her, Barnes. You know she loved you, maybe too much even." I got what Natasha was saying. Say your goodbyes.

I looked at her face. Even in death she wasn't peaceful.

"I love you, doll. I love you so much. I am so sorry. I am so so sorry." I brought her pale knuckles up to my face and kissed them. I couldn't let her go but I had to let her find peace.

"You will never leave me. You will always be my other half. My entire body and soul. Forever" with that I let them carry her to the med bay. I didn't know what else to do but rot in my room.

Six days went by and I couldn't eat or sleep. I tried so hard. I wanted to leave my bed but it seemed pointless. She wasn't there. Steve kept coming to my door but I couldn't face him. I used to hate sleeping because I would have nightmares but now I hated being awake because this nightmare was far worse. My eyes were permanently bloodshot. I hadn't heard my own voice in days. I knew if I kept this up I would die and that was what I wanted. A slow painful death. Killing myself slowly just like I did to her.

A knock sounded on my door once again and I ignored it like I always did. The knocks kept getting louder and louder and it wouldn't stop. God Dammit Steve.

"Steve. Leave." The knocking never stopped. I got up and ripped the door open, prepared to yell at him but it wasn't him.

"Not Steve." Y/n. I couldn't move. My mind was playing a trick on me. This was low, a new form of torture. I was delirious.

"I need to lay down please don't make me stand here." She was smiling. I didn't hesitate. I brought her to my bed and laid her down.

"You shouldn't be here." Mainly because I'm afraid I might hurt you again.