Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter 25

"Let him go" Steve grabbed my shoulder.

I shook him off. I followed after Bucky and he went to our room.

"Bucky. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" Before I could say anything I pushed up against the wall. His eyes were dark and how dark the room really was. The room was a mess. The bed wasn't made. Drawers were open. He hadn't been taking care of himself.

"I'm sorry." Tears filled my eyes.

"Why did you leave me?" His face was filled with anger but I could hear the sadness of his words. The betrayal. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Why!" He pushed me harder into the wall and I whimpered. I knew Bucky would never hurt me but I didn't recognize this person in front of me. I turned my head against the wall and closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek and I tried my best to not look how I felt. Scared. His breath was fast and ragged. He let go of me and staggered back until he hit the bed. I kept my cheek pressed against the wall and took a deep breath. I heard him stand and walk toward me again.

"Why?" He sounded so broken. I turned to him and I could see the desperation all over his face.

"I didn't want anyone else to get hurt." He turned around again.

"Bucky. I swear. I wanted to tell you what I was going to do. I was so tempted. When I saw you asleep and I was writing that note I prayed you would wake up and tell me not to go. But you have to understand I wanted it to end. I wanted you to wake up and it would be over." I started to walk over to the window where he stood looking out.

"I would have helped you. I'm supposed to protect you but I can't keep doing that when you're set on going on suicide missions. Do you have a death wish?" He was angry again.

"I just wanted it to end. I can't keep living like this." More tears made their way down my face.

"Like what? Is this not enough for you? Am I not enough for you?" He yelled. I shook my head. Of course he was.

"You are so careless with your life." He made eye contact with me.

"I love you, Bucky. I would never do anything to hurt you." There was no fighting his words. I had to take it in a different direction. I loved him so much it hurt. I had forgotten that in my endeavor to find Christian I was hurting him.

"Bucky please. James."

"I know you would never hurt me intentionally. But you did. You beg me not to leave you but why does it feel like you are always leaving me?" His eyes were glassy and his words were soft.

"I know you feel like you can't trust me but I need you to trust me when I say that I will never do anything like this again." Tears were falling and I angrily swiped them away. I felt so pathetic.

"I trust you. It's me and you till the end of the line, remember?" He put his hand on the side of my face. I launched myself into his arms and put my hands around his neck. Hugging Bucky felt like home. His hand came to the back of my head and he kissed the hair above my ear.

"God, you scared me, doll." I pulled back to meet his eyes and he thumbed my tears away. I leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was soft and sweet. It felt like years since the last one. He picked me up so my legs were around his waist and he deepened the kiss. My back hit the window and the kiss grew rougher.

"I think I need to remind you that you're mine." He breathed in my ear.

"I think so too." He threw me on the bed and I remembered I was still wearing the dress from the gala. It was 3am and yet it felt like a whole day had passed. His hands slid up the side where I was still wearing my empty thigh holsters. He unbuckled them and shoved the dress until it rested on my ribs.