"𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮." 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐊𝐢𝐭! 𝐏!

「Chapter 1」: Self Harm Colorless.

Title inspo: Jishoumushoku ft. Hatsune Miku.

Other ships mentioned!!
SwoCket.
HyperTana.

TW!!:
Self Harm, little bit blood.
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Medkit got to his house after a Phight with a bad mood. He'd already knew about his paperwork. It was stressing him out, today wasn't any better than yesterday, he blankly watched the coffee machine finish his black espresso.

He had a room for working, it was air conditioned, since Lost Temple is warm compared to other regions. A study lamp for some reason, a coffee machine just right beside that table, and a printer.

Today, more work comes, hospital bills, it wasn't gonna get done, he didn't sleep in 5 days, this was taking a toll on him, mentally and physically, considering he's always in a bad mood. It felt gloomy, sorrowish, and repetitive.

He glanced to a razor blade, he didn't really know why it was there in the first place. But, the more that he worked on his bills, administration, and a large quantity of work he had to do. He began staring at that razor blade, more and more each time he finished a paper.

Many thoughts invaded his mind, he tried to fight against it, his urges got him better. He finally decided to grab that sharp, razor blade. He began to tear up slightly, as he spoke to himself.
"D-do i have to..." He looked terrified, this would bring him joy and relaxation, but it's temporary. "... Is this worth it...?" He looked at the razor blade, more and more.

Then, his urge to cut himself got him better, he looked at his left arm. He shed a small tear before moving his sleeve to his shoulder. He felt guilty rising upon him as he picked up the razor blade, sweating in horror why'd he chose to do it, he was fighting his urges.

He couldn't hold the urge anymore, as he placed the razor blade to his left arm's skin, on the wrist. "No one would see this." He thought to himself as he started to breathe more heavily. "I'd just cover it..." He excused himself. However, instead of being against on what he was gonna do.

He finally slid the razor blade onto his soft skin, it made a sting feel on him, it was painful but he felt joy, he began to do it more, going harder each time it passes. After what felt like half an hour, the scars were all over his wrists, making red lines, it was not straight due to how shaky he was. "Aah..." He groans in pain. He looked at the blood he had just created on him. He decided he'd do it one last time before calming down.

Swing! Medkit slid the razor blade too hard, which made a big cut, he started bleeding a lot on that single area, he panicked, his body shaking on what he did, he dropped the razor blade and covered the bleeding wrist with his right hand.

He was breathing heavily, eyes widened, as he stared at the blood, in horror and relaxation after it happened. It was painful, but it felt so good, he couldn't help but think doing it next time again, it wasn't the first time he did this... He was clean for years. The guilt for this wrongdoing is making him go insane.

"You're a disappointment, Medkit. You don't find anything fun in your life anymore, and yet, you did this. You're pathetic."

Those thoughts made him almost lose his sanity. He had enough and began to cry, his body trembling from the pain and the guilt. Everytime he felt getting stunged feeling from the razor blade, he smiled while tears were flowing from his singular eye. After some minutes, of what he felt. He glanced at the paperwork, then at himself, his peripheral vision at the bleeding wrist. Then rubbed the watery glasses as he took them off.

".... Why am i gifted with the ability to heal...? I hate this job, why should i be here...?"

He contemplated on doing it again, a minute passed, He finally placed the razor blade back, it was bloodstained and doesn't look like it was before Medkit cut himself. "Mmm..." Medkit mumbled, in joy and pain. As he looked at his bleeding wrist, his feelings became worse as he realized what he did and began to hold his tears and gripped his sleeve before covering his wrist again.

"W-why am i doing this..." He stuttered as he spoke to himself, he was still shaking and sobbing, not long after, he couldn't resist a smile creeping up on his face, then he gazed the razor blade. "It felt... Good.." He sighed to himself, that thought was gone. After he stopped crying and calmed himself up. He was relaxed, he continued his work. The bloodstained paper. It was small, and he thought no one would notice it anyways.

He forgot about his coffee, it was the 5th one today, he wondered if he should've bought an antidepressant pills, he just shrugged it off and continued his work, with coffee, hoping he doesn't spill some on it, like last time.

Feeling miserable and numb after what he did, he continued his work, droplets of tears were still on the table, uncleaned. Drinking his coffee, squeezing the last bit of motivation left that he had, with the constant pain the razor blade left him. He smiled in pain and joy, he'd never smile like that in such a long time.

He missed when he could vent his frustration to someone, even someone that he didn't really liked. He has his own objective of those crystals. He hated anyone being happy, including him, the most. But... He was there, listened to any words he said, his soothing tone when he comforted me, even if he was annoying and never be serious at times. I hate him. But...

"He did care for me."

Before that incident happened. It ruined everything they had, before the medic left Blackrock.

A/N: I love angst way too much. Sorry Medkit. (Ilysm Meddy.)

1,019 words.
3,149 characters.