Bojack Horseman And The Troubled Fairy

Chapter Three

Bojack's POV:

I pull into Diane's apartment complex and chug a bottle of old vodka sitting in the passenger seat. Just a little pick me up before I walk in there. Things have been a little awkward between us lately since she got engaged to my ex, Wanda.

  I buzz her apartment and wait for an answer.
  "Hello?" Wanda spoke. I hear giggling in the background, must be Diane.
  "It's Bojack. Send Diane out."
I walk back to my Tesla and slam the door shut. It's so weird hearing Diane laugh like that. Like she used to. After her and that one guy didn't work out, gaining all that weight, then completely disappearing for months. I'm surprised she even came back. Let alone get with a chick. My ex. It makes me jealous. I don't know whether I'ts because someone's life other than mine got better, or I'm jealous of what those two have. Regardless, I need a line. I haven't had enough in my system yet today.

  I had a nice buzz going by the time Diane came out. Her hair was neatly brushed and braided. She had on a fancy purple blouse which she paired with some expensive looking black shorts. She looked nice.
  We didn't speak much on the way to VIM. She could tell I was high and drunk, I know she hates me. She's told me numerous times since she's gotten with Wanda that she's uncomfortable being around people who use and have a drinking problem, but I don't even try to refrain from doing it around her. I know I'm an asshole. And I know I've lost a good friend. She's only here because it's her job. Not because she cares. It's my fault, I'm not blaming her for anything. But I can't change who I am, or the cards I was delt.
  We get closer to the parking lot and at last, the woman speaks.
  "So, I'm sure you heard my sister will be joining us today. Just wanna see if it's something she'll be good at."
  I nod gently to show that I'm listening.
"If we ever had a real friendship Bojack, please don't poison her with your habits. Or words. She's a good woman and doesn't need to be some famous star's one night stand."
  I open my mouth to argue but instead I close it and nod quietly in response, wishing she would have stayed speechless.

  We walk into the elevator and I press the button to the 7th floor. Apparently I need to sign hiring papers for Diane's sister. I can't remember her name regardless of how many times it's been told to me by now. But yet again - does it even matter?
   "There's our Bojack!"
   "Princess Carolyn. Always a pleasure" I speak sarcastically.
  "Where's this supposed new assistant? And can't you just sign this paperwork for me? You've forged my signature multiple times."
  I watch her roll her eyes and put her hand out to lead us to this tiny crowded office. It wasn't messy per say. It had glass mushrooms and fake vines coating the ceilings and walls. There were big flower petal bean bag chairs instead of regular office chairs. I saw some silly Christmas lights hanging up in there too. Apparently this is Diane's sisters office. What is she?.. Part plant?
  Princess Carolyn looked confused as she looked into the office and then shook her head and crossed the hallway. I watched as she peeked her head in the women's room and yelled.
  "LYDIA DUST?"
Ah. So it's Lydia.. Dust? Maybe I should sign into a rehab, I can't even remember a ridiculous name like that. I look to Diane and raise an eyebrow.
  "How come her last name isn't Nguyen?" I ask her.
  "We have the same dad, but different Mom. Not that it's any of your concern. She doesn't like to talk about it. All you need to know is she's here temporarily."
  I roll my eyes. Why are they acting so protective over this bitchy new agent, who clearly can't even show up on time,..To her own office. I glance back towards Princess Carolyn dialing someone's number. I assume it's Lydia. She looks like a mess.
  "Well I'm going to go back to my car and wait. Tell Princess Carolyn to just give you the paper work and I'll sign it when we all get back to the house. If she's supposed to be some new assistant she can just drive back here to drop it all off when I'm done."
  I didn't even finish my whole sentence before I was halfway to the elevator. They annoy me. I could be doing so much more with this wasted time. I don't know why they have to involve me in their little experiments with temp agents. It's ridiculous. Especially for Princess Carolyn keeping one around that is so clearly unreliable.
  I turn my current favorite song on by Aquata. It's Sextina Aquafina's distant cousin apparently. I don't buy it, I think she's a clone. But who am I to judge? I'm just a so called druggie. This song reminds me of Sarah Lynne. I sigh at the memories and light a joint, still waiting for Diane and Lydia to come out. I'm getting bored waiting. And I'm hungry. They better hurry. Bojack horseman will only wait on a female for so long. Let alone two females.
 
  I open my eyes to Diane aggressively shaking my shoulders. She looked pissed off. Probably at me. I wonder how long she's been trying to wake me up.
  "Sorry I must have fallen asleep waiting on you two to get your shit together"
  "Dude, don't even start. Lydia somehow got herself locked in the janitors closet with Mr. Peanut Butter. It took us forever to find out where she was."
  I glance in my review mirror to see the famous Lydia everyone has been annoying me about. I will admit she was beautiful. It seemed as if her skin had glitter undertones. Her nose and eyes were the first thing I immediately noticed with once glance- her nose was tiny and delicate but came to a slight point. And her eyes are a vibrant green.  I look back towards the road and begin to speak.
  "Stuck in a closet? I can understand Mr. Peanut Butter getting stuck. But not your so called "intelligent sister". Did no one have a phone to call for help? Or what?"
  A sudden sweet voice starts to talk into mine and Diane's ear.
  "I had no service in that closet. Mr. Peanut butter came to grab something but made the same mistake I did. Didn't prop the door open before walking in."
  I nod my head. Suddenly feeling very shy. Like a damn idiot. Since when am I shy?.. Maybe I need some liquor with lunch.

I pull into my long driveway and once again don't bother with parking in a straight line. I tell Diane to fetch me lunch from the Taco place half across the city. Surprisingly she goes, and leaves Lydia with me.
Once again, I'm speechless. Feeling hot in my face I walk to my fridge and pull any form of alcohol out I see first. How do they expect me not to be me. Not to sleep with this woman. I stare at her through the window. She's sitting by the pool waiting for Diane to get back. Her exotic curly hair bounces with every strong breeze. I think back to the situation from earlier. Did she really get stuck in the closet with Mr. Peanut butter? Or was she doing something else entirely. I take a long chug from the bottle of crown in my hand and make my way towards the sliding door that leads to the patio.
  "Diane should be back soon." I spoke slurring my words.
I waited a second for her to respond but she didn't say anything. Didn't even look in my direction. Diane must have warned her of me. I turned around to head back inside but her sweet voice shocked me once again as she began to speak.
  "I heard.. " her voice trembled as she came to a pause.
  "I heard you're not the best person. And I made a mistake.. I don't know what to do and I need help.."
  She spoke so gently and nervously I couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
  "What's so funny?"
  I watch as the tip of her ears and nose go slightly pink. And I hear some sort of tiny melodic bell.
  "You don't need to be nervous is all."
  The bell grew louder.
  "What the hell is that noise?" I spoke angrily.
Her head snapped to mine and her bright green eyes looked into my dark brown lifeless eyes. She stood up from the chair she was seated in and walked up to me. Once again I notice the sound of a sweet tiny bell. I also notice she's quite small. Her body frame is curvy but yet her height is no more than five foot.
  "It's my bell. I'm a fairy. Aren't you educated on anything you stupid horse?"
  I look at her without saying a word and light a cigarette. Who is this woman..
  "I-.. " I start to respond but I choose not to. I've never met a fairy. Not from this part of the world. The way she smells and looks while standing so close to me, makes me take a step back. She's off limits I remind myself. I turn around to walk back into the house.

I lock the door once I'm inside my bedroom and make my way towards my bed. She made my pants feel uncomfortably tight. I can't help but fantasize about every woman I meet, but there's something different about Lydia. I can't allow some fairy get me in trouble. I heard they like to be mischievous after all. I groan at the thought of her underneath me. I'll just take a couple more random pills and pass out till Diane or someone wakes me up for my audition later. Or tomorrow. I can't remember.
I think of Lydia once more as I take my jeans off and slide on my robe. She'll want me eventually. And once she makes a move, it's free game. Diane knows I won't turn a woman down. Let alone one that looks like Lydia.
I slide my hands into my boxers, I can't help it. But the thought of her sure can. I wish she wouldn't have stood that close to me because now I want her to keep getting closer, and closer. I groan deeply as I move my hand faster. Her smell, her body, her voice.. Her attitude.. I want it all. For 10 minutes or maybe even a couple weeks.
  It's official. Lydia Dust will get me in trouble.