Yuma

Chapter five

Yuma's p.o.v.

A nurse comes around to my room some point before lights out. 
"Are you going to join group today?"
"Sure. Not like I can say I'm busy, there isn't much to keep me busy here for long."
"Well then come on." I follow him to the main room and sit next to Chip. 
"So we have two new people here with us at group tonight. Would either of you like to start us off?"
"I'm Chip, this time I'm here for a violent melt down after going missing for four hours, getting told I'm a self harm risk, and yelling at an old man who was trying to give me shitty quotes as advice. Oh and I am a self harm/suicide risk so it was totally fair of my group home staff to tell me they were worried about me given my history. I've been here more times than I can count on two hands but who knows maybe this will be my last?" I look at Chip a little concerned for him but I have hope that this is his last time. "My genuine goal though is to reach a place mentally where I can exist without self-harming over small stuff. I know if my parents were here they would be worried sick and I just want to be half the kid they wanted." He looks down at the ground and takes a deep breath. "I think that's it."
"Thank you Chip. Who's next?" The room is silent for a bit. 
"Hi, I'm Yuma. I'm here because I had relapsed, said some really concerning things about wanting to hurt and kill myself to my dad, said the same thing to the cops involved in my case, and." I feel a pit in my throat. "In order to prove I'm a fit caregiver to my kid I have to be cleared by a mental health professional that I'm not a threat to the child, myself, or others."
"How does it make you feel knowing you're gonna be a father at sixteen?"
"I'm scared. I never thought I'd be having to get my act together so suddenly let alone for a child!"
"Unfortunately that's what happens when protection is not properly used."
"I'm a gay guy in a relationship with cis guy, I was raped by a girl I thought was someone I could trust while I was on cocaine, I have loads of trauma from my bio father's poor choices and his rapes. I didn't want this, this shouldn't be happening, I shouldn't be in this situation!"
"I'm sorry I assumed this was a choice."
"It wasn't but I'm gonna make the best of it and give my kid at least one parent they can trust. Just like I deserved. This kid will have the best I can reasonably provide and if all that is, is food in their mouth, clothes on their back, warm baths, and a loving dad than by damn I'll do it."
"How do you think or hope this facility can help you."
"I hope it can provide me with the skills to self regulate and control my urges to use. Also give me the strategies to cope with some of my trauma."
"Those are reasonable goals I hope we are able to help you meet those goals." I can see Chip looking towards me worried. I just clench my jaw and wait for the staff to move on. Once group is over I'm pulled aside by a nurse. 
"The therapist would like to speak to you please."
"Sure." I follow the nurse to the therapist's office.
"Good evening Yuma. I heard about what was said during group. I was hoping you'd be willing to tell me a bit about that one on one?"
"What? The relapse, abusive gay relationship, my best friend who raped me, or the fucked up bio dad?"
"All of it. Also abusive? That wasn't mentioned by the nurse who spoke to me."
"I-."
"Look I'm here to listen to you about anything and everything bothering you and unless I believe your life is in immediate danger I can't get anyone else involved if you don't want them involved." I sit down in front of him.
"What should I do. How do I start?"
"Well what's bothering you the most?"
"My bio dad. I don't remember much about him so I don't even know where to start."
"Start wherever your gut tells you feels right."
"I know everyone says my mom's death wasn't his fault and he immediately killed her killer but I was there! I watched her die! I heard everything that was said by the man that killed my mom! Everything he said pointed towards my dad being responsible for it."
"Do you remember what was said?"
"He kept calling Ramsie an overgrown freak. As he got more agitated with my mom he shortened the time she had left. Both of them were mad at Ramsie and in turn both had believed that he was to blame. My mom thought Ramsie had set up the whole attack just so she would believe him and the man was pissed about Ramsie being late all the time and wanted to make a point. If Ramsie had just left to begin with he wouldn't have been in that mess and I would still have my mom. I don't remember my moms voice, her parents refuse to meet me, and Ramsie is in a facility for villains so bad and violent they had to make it so comfortable breaking out would seem like a massive mistake even to them. Plus when I finally do visit him at his cushy little housing he has the AUDACITY to try and tell me that Enji isn't my dad when that man fucking raised me! That man is keeping me alive in my hardest moment. He's a terrible man and anytime anyone finds out Ramsie is my bio dad they start to avoid me or treat me like shit because they are scared that I'm like him. I'm not though I was so close to being your average teen."
"Were you really?"
"No, but I defiantly wasn't a homicidal maniac. Just an abused, traumatized, drug addict. Now I'm a sixteen year old having to reflect on himself and prove his fit to raise a kid."
"Do you want to take care of this child or are you doing this because you feel like you have to?"
"I want to. This wasn't the way I wanted to become a dad but I want the baby when they are born. I was hoping that surrogacy or adoption were how it would happen." 
"That's fair I believe most people think that their children would be a product of a consensual situation."
"Ramsie was raped a fuck ton as a kid and teen he turned out to be an absolute douche and I'm scared I'll be like that. I don't want to turn out like him."
"I don't think you'll turn out that way. You're a different person. Yes you might be his blood but that doesn't mean you'll become anything similar." 
"I guess that's true. I just hope I'm a good dad."