flashbacks hurt.

chapter 1

"Oh what the fuck" "What the fuck is wrong with you"
he screamed, as i sobbed, trying to hold back tears.
"Are you fucking retarded?"
still trying to hold back tears i said
"I'm sorry it was an accident I didn't mean to broke the glass".
I felt his hand on my face, not that he wanted to reassure me. He hit me with all his strength. The day I went to school with the imprint of his hand on my face.

He abused me for 12 years. Since the day my mother left us. He isn't even my real father, why does he take care of me? Just because he is my mother's boyfriend? I never wanted him to take care of me. I had many friends when my father and mother lived together. But sadly they divorced, and my mother found him. Because of him, I stopped talking and since that I never had any friends again. I'm in high school now. I'm only 17 and I'm here the first year. I never thought I will get friends ever again, but I actually did. I have a friend now. We only know each other like 4 months, since the school year started. So she doesn't know about my mother's boyfriend. I'm glad I don't want anyone to know it.

"Why did my mum left us?"
"Shut up, I'm working, don't you see?"
"I'm sorry"
"Yeah, you better be. Now go make a dinner woman"
"Okay" He never told me why my mum left us. He never tells me anything about my family, so i don't care anymore.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I'm going on a business trip this weekend, so you will be here alone. Don't fucking ruin anything while I'm gone"

"Good morning Maya"
"Oh hi Audrey" I responded to my best friend.
"I'm so happy it's already Friday!"
"Yeah, me too... Audry, would you like to hangout this weekend at my place?"
"Oh really? I thought you can't have friends over. But sure I go."
"Okay see you then"
I walked away, because we have different classes on Friday. But holy shit, I never had any friend over. What have I done? He can't know, that I had a friend over. I need to be really careful, I don't want him to hit me again. I remember when I was a kid. I thought that every parent beat their child. I was obviously wrong. I had to make my own money. I was working the whole summer just to buy new clothes and more food. But honestly, I don't know where I'm going to go, when I turn 18.

"And that's it for today's class enjoy your weekend"
Normally I wouldn't be happy, because i would have to be home with him for a whole 2 days, but this is the first time I'm actually happy, that i'm going home. He should leave on Saturday morning and be back on Sunday evening. I went out of school and home. As i walked I saw an old lady laughing with her grandchild. My happiness faded away and turned into sadness. My grandmother is still alive, but I don't get the chance to see her. She lives far away and he doesn't want me to meet her. I love her so much and I call her at least once a week when I go back home from school, so he doesn't hear me. I wanted to think about something else, I didn't want to be sad, I have a reason to be happy, so I will be. I don't get much chances to be happy, so I want to enjoy it, even if it was only a minute. I thought about how I didn't see a butterfly for a long time. And suddenly one flew right in front of me.

When I got back home, he was already packing his suitcase for that business trip.
"Have you seen my pants?"
"What pants?"
"The basic blue ones, from Old Navy"
"Yeah, those, I had then washed, they were dirty. They are probably in the laundry basket"
"Fuck. You fucking knew I'm going to go to the business trip, why did you fucking put then in the stupid laundry basket"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that you would want to wear these"
"Shut the fuck up, you always ruin everything"
"I'm so sorry, I can go get them"
"No, they are even more dirty now, just shut up and go to your room, I will do everything myself"
"Okay".

I went to my room, as he said. At least I can text Audrey. I laid down on my bed and texted her on Instagram.
"hi, are you coming tomorrow? I thought we could have a sleepover here, if you can :)"
I sent and waited for a response. She texted back real quick.
"hi Maya. of course I'm coming! from saturday to sunday i guess?"
"yeah. see you"
"okay, bye Maya<3"
This will be the first fucking sleepover ever in my whole life. I'm so excited. I need to get everything ready, before she comes. I have some food hidden here so I think I won't have to go to the grocery store. But I need to be really careful so he doesn't notice, that I had a friend over. After dinner I went to sleep, excited for tomorrow.