The boy I used to love

Chapter II: The Fall Out

If i stop to think about what could have been, i could imagine a million things, sad, mad, crazy and even the most beautiful things in the world, we could've had we always wanted, maybe even inimaginable things, we could've been the happiest couple on earth, but they would all be lies, because one of things him and i had in common, has always been that for us everything happens for a reason, we don't believe in casualties, and we probably never will, and no matter how much we can say that we're not toxic, and that we belong together, deep down we know that's not true, deep down we knew that was the real end this time, we would both leave for good.

The broke up was painful and harsh, I told him I was tired of the toxicity we had all the time, that I couldn't take anymore lies or anymore lipstick stains on his shirts, or every time that he locked his phone when I got close to him, their was to much pain in that place, he manipulated me to stay for so long, and he made me think I was my idea when I wanted to leave, we had incredible memories together, but that was all that was left of us, at first he didn't believe that it was the end, he told me that eventually we would get back, that we always did, and that we always would, but I would show him, that this time was real, once and forever, once and for all.

I went to the drawer of my desk, and I took out an open envelop, he asked me what it was and I just told him to open it, that was a plane ticket, I was moving for away, I always wanted to go live in Korea, but he never did, and now I had nothing to stay there for, I had my freedom back, and was gong to enjoy it to the fullest.

How could you? he asked, and I start laughing, the same way you did every time you cheat it, it just happened, I'm not staying here anymore, and he said, that I couldn't just go and leave him this way, that I've never been like this to anyone in my entire world, that I was never the one to leave, and i definitely have never said no to anyone, specially him, and that, that was the reason why he loved me the most, to what I said,that this was it, this is the final goodbye, I'm sorry that this is ending this way, putting out there all our mistakes, all the bad things we did to each other, this is not how I wanted our relationship to end, but we're not meant to be together anymore.

I said I was sorry once again, I took the plane ticket from his hands, I looked at him straight to his dark brown eyes, and while he stud there looking at me, a couple of tears fell from my eyes, kissed him goodbye, I put my hand on his cheeks, smiled, but he didn't moved, not once, I guess he knew he would probably never see me again, I told him that I wished him the best, I wished him happiness and joy, I told him to please forgive me for all the wrong things I did, and that I would forgive him for all the bad things he did, that I knew we hurt each other numerous times, and that some things have to change, and for last I told him that maybe one day, if the universe wanted it that way, maybe, just maybe, we could be friends, but he didn't say a word, and he didn't move, even then, so I turned around, I grabed my jacket, said goodbye once again and left, it was truly painful, it was sad, I was surely going to mess him, I know I would, but I also knew that all this was for the best of us.

I was leaving in a week, so I went to pack the most of my stuff, I only left out a couple of things to wear, that I was going to leave behind, except for what I was gonna use for the airport.

The next couple of days were kind of sad to be honest, I thought about the life I was about to leave behind, the friends, and I was leaving him, I would lie to you if I tell you that I didn't thought about canceling everything and staying, I thought about it so many times in that week, I even thought about calling him, I even grabed the phone sometimes, but I stopped my self from doing it, I never dial the whole number before I erased it and locked the phone.

Two days before I left I visited all of my friends, we cried, we laughed, and we said our goodbyes, they knew I had to leave, they were all so good to me for all those beautiful and meaningful years, we said how much we were gonna miss each other, and I visited every place I liked from New York, I was gonna miss that place that for so long I called my home, I went the buy my favorite bagels, and I bought some for the flight, I went to my favorite coffee place, where I met Matt, I went to my favorite restaurant, my favorite library, my favorite diner, and last but not least, central park, where I used to go run, where we use to go run.

A lot of places reminded me of a lot of people, a lo of experiences, and a lot of good memories, that I would remember for the rest of my life, where I was loved and admired, and where I loved and admired, this was good place, this was a good home, but it was time to say goodbye.

Before I left every place, I said thank you, and I left with a big smile from ear to ear, I thanked every place I loved so deeply, and then I left.

The last day I went to wash the cloths and then I left it to a goodwill, I had everything ready for the next day, everything from the kitchen, the livingroom, the bathroom, and my room, every little detail was packed and send, now was just me and my suitcase.

The night came and the nerves kicked in, I turn off all the lights and went to sleep, my new adventure was about to start right the next day.

In the morning I took a shower, I put my hair on high bon, I put sun screen, I changed in to my airport outfit, and I was going straight to my front door, with my suitcase, my carry on and my bag, when I heard the bell, when I opened the door, he was standing there, Matt was right outside of my apartment, and his first words were, let me take you to the airport at least, would you?, to what I said yes, he helped me with my suitcase and my carry on, he put them in the trunk of his car, he opened me the passenger door, it felt nice, like when we first start dating.

Right when he start the car I asked him how did he knew what time my flight was, and he said, I saw you plane ticket, remember, you showed it to me, and I told him that I forgot about that, and he said,, you always do, he also said that he didn't had the time to say goodbye the other day, that he didn't knew why he couldn't talk, that he just freeze, but that he want it to say something, and that when I was saying goodbye, he was thinking about what he want it to say, but the words never came out of his mouth, so I asked him what was it, to what he said, "I want it to say that I am truly sorry, I know I failed you so many times, and you didn't deserve it, you were always so good and kind to me, and I destroyed the only person who really love me, and I don't know why you want to forgive me, because personally I cant forgive myself, you have nothing to say sorry for, but I do, I loved you so much, I love you now, and I always will, maybe that's my penance, that's the price I have to pay, but I have no problem with loving you till the end of my line, and I too wish you the best of lives, I hope you find someone who can love the same way you do, you deserve that and much more, i want you to know that their will always be a piece of in me, and I'm thankful for that, whoever you become, and anywhere you are in the world, I'll send my love, be happy doll, as only you can, promise?", promise, I said, with a whole river coming out of my eyes, and I could say anything else until we arrived to the airport.

we got out of the car, he took my stuff out of the trunk, he came close to me and hugged me "bon voyage, my little doll, be save out there he said, and my response was, I'll be okay, don't worry that much and drive save, it'll be okay he said, I kissed him on the cheek, and my last words were, thank you for the drive, and I went inside.

Already inside I saw him looking at me, maybe wishing for me to run into his arms saying that I wont leave, but once I got in the line and checked in, right when I was passing the door, he stared at me and he just nodded his head, and that's when he understood that that, that thing that he desperately wanted me to do, was not going happen, and that I would take that plane, the decision was made, and I wasn't going to take it back, So I waved my hand, saying goodbye, to whoever I once called my love, my next chapter was on its way, I went and I sat very close to where I would take my plane, and I took out my lap to write, I was inspired by the words I had just heard, those words that I never thought I would hear from him, and now that it happened, it moved me so much that I couldn't stop crying every time I remembered them, I'll always remember them.