word: LACUNA

Dan; utter me a words (SUKHOON)

✨Choi Hyunsuk (Daniel) & Park Jihoon (Jun)
⚠️ written in taglish.

Park Jihoon POV
(Jun)

I sat at the soft sofa that was placed meters away from the TV and the Cabinet. I roam my eyes to the area and sadly left out a small chuckled.

"I am thinking of of him—again"

My eyes stopped from roaming when a white object caught my attention. It's his hat. My gift.

I stood up and bring myself to the hat's spot. Kinuha ko iyon at tinagnan ng ilang mga minuto. Memories are still damn fresh inside my head. It is still keep on flashing. And I can't do anything about it. Ang sakit parin. Sobra.

The apartment we had back then and will be having this with me. Apartment that had him, had his smell, his laugh, his words, our memories, our combined perfume and scent, our sharing of laugh, our all and his whole character being a person I once loved and keep on loving.

Oh— howI love loving him. Dan.

I dreamed about being a successful Businessman with him in the picture without knowing he dreamed about being an successful Tourist without me in the picture. He dreamed to be a successful Tourist while doubting me. I am sure I gave my all, muntik na nga akong maubos sa kakabigay.

I never doubt him, because I trust him—so much, while he also did, maybe. He must be confused —and still asking a question.

"I will never know what's on your mind and what is hiding behind"

I locked myself to the past and let myself cry the hell pain out. Nandoon parin ako, kasi nasanay na ako. I should have let myself know and didn't let myself be too much comfortable to that allo.

I watched the flashback played their role again outside of my head and let my tears slide down to my cheeks. Dinning Area still have Dan's cute plushies and Lego buildings. Guess this area also still have his smell and laugh—hindi naman 'yon mawawala.

Through to the pain of my heart, I made my way to our room and there I saw the door open and the sight of our Polaroid pictures. First date Polaroid picture to last date Polaroid picture. Our first date Polaroid picture was taken when we're first year senior high—bata pa pero alam na namin. The last Polaroid picture was also took 3 months ago. And buti pa ng relasyon namin non, nag katuwaan pa nga at nagkatampohan sa mall. Pero sabi nga nila expect the unexpected, nagkamalaboan agad e.

I once called his friend—Jaden, I asked him asan si Dan and Jaden confusedly asked me back "hindi mo alam?" and by that question I know something is off.

Ilang araw na rin na hindi umuwi si Dan. Paalam niya mag o-overtime lang siya, pro halos tatlong araw na rin iyong overtime na reason niya e, grabe naman diba. Jaden asked me a question that made myself asked myself again—anong hindi ko alam?

Jaden left out a sigh and said again "nasa Argentina siya kasama sila Boss. Tatlong araw na sila doon. First distenation nila 'yon, iyong pangalawa siguro nila is Finland. Nakakapagtaka lang na hindi mo alam, e jowa mo si Dan. Pero ayaw ko namang pakaelaman iyong relasyon niyo pero sana maging okay kayo't suportahan mo lang si Dan"

Ang haba ng sinabi niya pero iyong pagsisinungaling lang ni Dan iyong tumatatak sa isip ko. Dumaan ang mga araw at naisip ko na baka you thought pagmagpapaalam ka hindi kita papayagan, kaya naging okay lang sa akin iyon.

Days past and there's still no him in front of me.

"asan ka?"

I'm not mad, Dan. You need to utter a word in order for me to forgive you because you lied. Just be in front of me with your shadow at the back—with our shadow at our backs.

Akala ko natakot ka pero sa hindi inaasahan ako pa iyong natakot. Mum called me—your mum.

"Jun, wala na si Dan" nahihirapan si mama na sabihin iyon at nahihirapan din akong tanggapin iyon. Hindi kasi maganda iyong paghihiwalay natin ng landas e.

Parati ko na lang ba gagawin itong pagtatanong sa sarili ko, Dan? Bakit?

I once asked my self-worth buti nalang at dumating ka at nalaman ko. Pero ngayong wala ka na. Paano na?

"may iniwan siyang sulat sayo, nakita ko sa bag niya. Basahin mo Jun ha" mum hand me a dozen of papers. Sa akin daw to kaya babasahin ko.

Paulit ulit kong babasahin.

Napa balik ako sa reyalidad at natagpuan ang sarili ko sa kama natin yakap yakap ang unan mo. Hindi ko pa nga pala tapos na basa iyon.

Kinuha ko ang bag ko at inabas lahat ng sulat ni Dan. I opened the white paper at doon na naman ako nagsimulang umiyak.

Jun, sorry kung hindi ako nakapagpaalam ha. Natatakot kasi ako na baka hindi mo ako payagan dahil alam mong may asthma ako at baka atakihin ako. Pero huwag kang magalala sa buong trip naman hindi naman ako inatki pero muntik na nga HAHAH buti na lang at parati mong nilalagay inhaler ko sa bag dahil makakalimutin akong tao. 2nd destination namin ngayon is Finland. Diba gusto mong makapunta sa Finland? Hahanapan agad kita ng mga investor mo, Jun. Para sure na sure ng lalago ka. Tsaka gusto ko rin na pag naging successful kana ako iyong Secretary mo. Tourist na Secretary ni Sir Jun. Ang cute diba? Pero sa totoo lang ang saya ko na medyo malungkot ngayon kasi papunta na kami ng Finland kaso nagsinungaling ako sayo, hehe. Patawrin mo ako ha? I'll give you a lot of kisses rin paguwi hehe.

At tsaka,

Jun, dyan ka lang sa Apartment ha? Bibilhin pa natin yan. Stay ka lang sa apartment, uuwi pa ako diyan and mag e-explain pa ako. Jun, d'yan ka lang. Magpapakasal pa tayo at mamahalin pa kita.

—Dan.

"Asan ka na Dan?"

"baba ka na o, sure naman na akong Anghel ka na, pwede bang magpa second chance ka? Magpakatao ka ulit. Balik ka na sakin, mage-explain ka pa diba? Sige na o"

"Dan"

I keep on calling his name and probably the last word I said before my tired eyes ended the proximity they have.

Dan, balik ka na.

end.