Colors of Ishq (Tere Bin FF)

chapter four

four / SHIFT OF PERSPECTIVES

Oh, hi there! This chapter took a little longer than I anticipated, mostly because I feel a little demotivated to write. Anyhow, I dropped hints in the previous chapter about what could potentially be a major turning point in Meerasim's relationship, so this chapter explores that in depth. I've also edited the last scene of the previous chapter, detailing it out more, so feel free to check it out if you'd like. Happy reading!

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     When Meerab returned to the haveli in the evening, the suite was bathed in the soft glow of the setting sun, casting a blend of yellow and orange, and drowned in a quiet that starkly contrasted the whirlwind in her mind. She'd sought for a semblance of calmness during her brief respite, believing the escapade would clear the haze she'd been shrouded by, steer her back into the life she loved, but her thoughts had constantly returned to Murtasim, their conversations in the past few days stirring a tempest within her.

     The quandary of sharing her vulnerabilities clung onto her, enveloping her like a second skin, plunging upon her a comfort as well as a fear that she'd cautiously avoided for weeks, certain that the weight of her emotions would've been unfelt and unheard. For how could Murtasim Khan, the one who controlled his own life with conviction, understand the predicament she'd been thrust into?

     She'd attempted to avoid him, coil into a silence that'd force him into surrendering and forgetting, but his persistence, a sheer want to understand her emotions had made her relent, influencing her into sharing the thoughts she'd held to herself. A part of her had reveled in the comfort it'd unraveled within her, unburdening her of the weight that the emotions had threatened to strangulate her with.

     Yet, a part of her had feared the vulnerability, prompting a string of what-ifs within the confines of her mind, certain that the past was bound to reoccur, trampling over her heart as if it were a piece of paper. She knew what the pain of a heartbreak felt like—a pain so visceral that it spread through one's entire being like a wildfire, fracturing them in ways inconceivable, their heart breaking into multiple fragments and the sound of shattering, a cacophony that rang in their ears for days after, reaching to them despite any sweet melodies, and it scared her.

     For she'd let her parents hold that power over her, involving them in the intricacies of her life and they'd chosen to shatter her apart, take from her the world they'd let her fall in love with. And she feared that stripping her heart naked to Murtasim, holding out the emotions to him, wielded him with a power that was eerily similar, granting him the license to maneuver her life.

     She wanted to trust the love he told her about and the promises he made for a different future, yet standing on the precipice of an uncertain marriage that was traumatized by their past and pressed upon them under the pretense of an old vow, she didn't know how to.

     She sighed and walked through the passageway of the suite, her feet softly padding against the wooden floor and she looked around for him, her eyes gliding over the empty sitting area. After their conversation from the previous night, she'd forced herself into staying in the room in the morning, avoiding retracting into the silence she'd found a haven in. But as the quietude now enveloped her, she felt her eyes shut and form relax, the emptiness filling her with a tranquility that she'd craved for the entire day, the underlying tension that swirled around her temporarily ceasing.

     The repeated push and pull, a combination of steps forward and backward, was an infuriating paradox that she found herself entangled in on the daily, fighting a web of emotions she'd vowed to never feel for him. She wanted to hate him, accuse him for turning her life into a chaotic ensemble that she abhorred, but every time he looked at her like she held stars within, standing-up for her in moments of distress, she felt her defenses weaken, her determination of wanting to keep him away from herself slowly waning.