Dads best friend... is the monster in my bed...

Grandma's home

    I was so comfortable in my bed and my home look. I didn't want to change or go anywhere and this was both ... and I wasn't happy about it... But as he didn't take no for an answer here I was out of my bed and out in the world. I  tried to have fun, I did but all I could see were people looking at us. We just didn't fit in one picture, he was a hot older dad and I was walking a mess with mood swings.

-Can you get out of your head and talk with me? Or at least walk like we are one family and not strangers.
-People are staring and I wouldn't say I like that. You're a hot dad and I'm a fucking mess.
-You're my mess, okay? People can look as much as they want but I don't care.

    Damn, he was good. I could look like a homeless person but if he said I'm a princess I would believe him without thinking twice...

-Why?- I tried to continue our conversation as he put Lilith in her seat.
-Because I love you. Don't you...
-I do but I'm just lost and don't know what I'm supposed to do with everything that is going on.
-Look... I can't magically fix your problems because you don't talk with me and that's frustrating.
-I don't know how...
-Don't think in here, simply speak out here.- I watched how he drew circles around my head.- Trust me when I say that nothing is crazy when it's you or Lil.

    It was a long day out but I managed to have some fun while shopping. Of course, there were tears at the beginning when I found out I was almost two sizes bigger. Yes, I gained some weight but it was mostly my boobs. I was so uncomfortable in my old size and I simply wanted to breathe freely without worrying about buttons popping out. "Sweatpants and sports bras are bad things when you're spending your days at home. Always check yourself in regular clothes..." I need this in writing...

    We have been sitting in the car for some time now while Lilith was napping in her seat.
-Did you manage to have some fun today?
-Yeah.- I smiled looking at him. - Thank you.

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    He was a perfect dad and I was getting jealous of my daughter just because of the way he was looking at her. He looked at me like that before the accident and now something had changed in his eyes.

.... We are saying goodnight to Mommy. We are saying goodnight to Daddy. We are saying goodnight to grandma and grandpa. We are saying goodnight to you. We are saying goodnight to the moon and to a little star who is looking after you ...

I never understood the end of this but it was cute to see their connection. I think I missed my chance to do the same and now the whole situation is out of my hands. She will be daddy's girl and me, well I'm her mom and I know shit about her.

-Hey.- I said making both of them look at me. As every night he was putting her to bed and for some reason tonight I wanted to join. -I can leave if I'm interrupting something...
-It's just a little bit unusual but we love having you with us. Maybe we can finish our goodnight poem ...
-I knew this goodnight thing was about something. - I whispered.

-We are saying goodnight to mommy. We are saying goodnight to Daddy. We are saying goodnight to grandma and grandpa. We are saying goodnight to you. We are saying goodnight to the moon and a little star who is looking after you...
-Oli.- I had a questioning look when I heard Lilith say this holding her bunny.
-Yeah, Oli. Our little star who will be always looking after you... Night night sweetheart.

-Who is Oli?- I asked the second we were out of the room.
-Olivia Victoria Green.
-Come again.
-I couldn't save all three of you and I'm gonna question myself forever about this. Maybe I could do something more...