Hopelessness

Hopeless

People have different interpretation for the word "Hopeless", well, this is my interpretation.

Lately, i've been feeling empty. I don't know why, but anytime i try to be happy, i feel tired, exhausted even. It's strange because i've been smiling almost all my life, so why am i getting tired now? I remember an interaction with my friends, they wanted to explore, hang out, have fun, but i just wanted to go home, i never felt that way before, at least not out loud, i thought to myself "maybe i'm just tired" but i've been feeling that way lately and it's almost impossible not to feel like that, empty and exhausted. I try not to think about it, but i just can't help it, i am with my friends, and i feel nothing, it feels like i'm with strangers, and actual strangers are even worse, it feels like i'm all by myself in this world, the only human, and i must distance myself from others to protect myself, all the while hurting others without realizing it. I don't mean to, i just don't feel anything, i'm tired, and i don't like this feeling.

I have felt like this for quite a while now, tired, i know i keep saying it, but sometimes when you have the chance, you just can't stop thinking. I've been like this for so long i've become lonely. And it's driving me insane, my friends all think i'm weird, emo, or dramatic, and it hurts just thinking about it. But then again, anytime i feel sad, or upset, i all of a sudden transition to being empty and hopeless, it may sound cringe or something, but it's true.

I can't feel anything anymore, not happiness, anger, not even sadness, it's something that has become familiar to me, my friends started to notice too. "Must be nice to have friends who notice" it must be, i don't feel it, if i ever said something like that out loud i would've been called ungrateful, selfish, and all that.

But maybe it's best if i just keep trying, it's starting to feel hopeless now though.

Some people just don't understand i guess.

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It sounds more like a vent than a story when i really look at it, sorry if you don't like it. Thank you for bothering to read it, hope you enjoyed.

Always remember, there's never a moment where you don't feel hopeless.

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