THE SHADOW'S OBSESSION

The Welcome

I was walking back to my apartment from university as it is on a walking distance, thinking about tomorrow's guest lecture and all those weird feelings I had to go through today.

I am not sure how, but I somehow feel someone's presence almost every day, but that chill that tickles in my belly, I haven't felt it since few months, eight to be exact. Right after I moved here. But today? Today was different. Today, I had that feel again. I have no doubt about it. It was the same feeling. But somehow, I managed to avoid that hunch today, now also I am trying to avoid this sneaking suspicion, and someone is probably following me.... how, you ask? as usual, Audiobook. (Istg... They are the best)

But still.. it doesn't matter how hard I try to. This inkling is hard to get out of my system, but why am I thinking about this now? There's no reason. FUCK!! Am I overthinking? YES, I AM. Oh God! I swear at this rate I am surely going to be mad!!! Yessss, I am definitely going mad overthinking about some stupid feelings? Right? RIGHTTTT? It isn't possible? Why would someone follow me to a different continent? RIGHT???

CONCLUSION: I AM DEFINITELY OVERTHINKING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH BRAIN FOR YOUR USELESS SUPPORT !!

After being accompanied by a lot of unwanted thoughts and emotions as my constant partner, I finally reached my apartment... my small and cozy place, my sweet home (far from home, but this is all I have for myself as for now) and which is why I am starting to call this place, "home" not house not apartment.. just home. May be it sometimes doesn't feel like one, but I am comfortable here where I can live in peace with my books, coffee, and of course my fictional men. (Basically, they are mine in my own delusional world, and I am not complaining)

Soon, i found myself changing my clothes from formals to cozy pajamas when i saw a shadow outside the window.. WAIT, WTF??? OMG!! IS THERE SOMEONE OUTSIDE?? IS HE .. HE HERE... FUCKING OUT OF MY APARTMENT LATE AT NIGHT'!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!

I sprinted towards the table to look for my phone, may be I can call Dixit or may be my landlord... Oh God !! But just as I went near the window to look again and confirm before calling anyone.. I saw no one... Like every fucking time... there was no one... NO ONE. NADA. Ufffff, what is happening to me..?? don't tell me.. I am now starting to hallucinate...

I am so tired!!!! I can't!!!! MAYA GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!!! OR ELSE THIS WON'T WORK!!!! ALL THIS SACRIFICE AND STARTING EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH, NOTHING WOULD WORK!!!

After taking a few deep breaths and getting myself fresh, I started searching for a saree to wear tomorrow.As it was a formal function, I decided to wear a plain saaree. Obviously, I brought a few of my mom's saaree. They remind me so much of Maa.. She would have never let me feel anything other than the warmth of her hug. "I miss you Maa, I love you" I say.

Snapping out, I again start my search, until my hands lay on one of my favourite sarees of Maa, it is a beautiful chanderi cloth in navy blue color with a silver border with cute baby pink embroidery. Trust me, I was obsessed with this color and I am still.

Thankfully, after going back and forth... I eventually prepared everything for tomorrow, except myself ofcourse.. I am so nervous, i don't know why I am feeling like something strange is going to happen tomorrow. Again, I might be overthinking... Ugh!! I sometimes seriously hate myself. And you know what, if overthinking was a job... I would have been a fucking trillionaire by now...like for real not even kidding.

When all was said and done, I cleaned up the mess and went straight to my bed and picked up my book from nightstand and began to read....

*Next morning,*

When I woke up, it was already 6:30 AM, and I had to reach university by 8 today, FUCK! I AM SO GOING TO BE LATE!! As, I was about to go to shower, my phone rang and ofcourse I knew who was calling...