Why I haven't been updating?

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I took on writing, but for myself to have a hobby and be forced to feel something. Every morning wondering why did I didn't die in my sleep. Yet another day of simply going through the motions. Being stuck on autopilot of what used to be. I remembered when it started to fade. It was Class 5 or was it 4 or 6? Doesn't matter. When ........ my classmates, they said harsh words, mocked and teased me just because I wasn't good enough for them to be friends, I was worthless, a disgrace to my parents and etc which included emotional blackmail and I was back then a naive idiot. I also used to suffer from Skin Disease, Dermatophagia and Onychophagia which I did unconsciously which makes it a deadly combination. It made people stay away from me, which I think I deserved. My skin disease was only on my feet and hands which made things complicated. My feet, I could not walk barefoot, painful to walk and run but got used to it, feel felt like it was burning whenever I touched water but got used to it. Same with my hands, cannot eat with my hands and cannot wash my hands with water or sanitizer without the feeling of burning but got used to it. My hands used to bleed a lot and I got used to it to the point whenever I now bleed, it is a minor inconvenience.

The words they used and how they treated me gave me a trauma which led to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I still used to feel things but gradually that all started to fade. It felt like my soul left my body and I am running on autopilot.  I have no feelings nor attachment towards my family or the people in my new school. I keep them at an arm's length, not letting them know my name or me knowing their names because I don't care. I've lost interest in the things that once brought me joy. It is like all enjoyment and happiness is sucked out from my body. My body, due to the memory of the soul left, but there is this vast emptiness where my heart used to be. I really can't feel my heart. The consciousness of it is gone. I'm mentally aware of my mind and thoughts or what a feeling should be. By the way why am I even writing it? Why would people care? 

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